Jediheretic

Member
  • Content count

    195
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About Jediheretic

  • Rank
    Dishonoring darkness is degrading to light.
  • Birthday October 2

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Male
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Location
    Colorado
  • Interests
    Hatha yoga, raising a toddler, realistic preparedness, exercise and nearly anything outdoors.
  1. The sky's the limit

    The nice thing about depression is that there is a rock bottom. Even should I choose to abdicate my right to life there too is a constant, at least physically. I like constants. The ups are my hell. These are the times when I scare people, hurt them emotionally, destroy my finances, loose or leave jobs and get tickets. This is when I want to self harm and genuinely dare and flirt with death, not having the rational awareness and conscious consent abilities and simply find myself doing whatever I'm doing. I've come so far in reining in my self harm this summer. From several times an hour just to "make it through the show" and be both comfortable and functional, to one big a month, several smalls a month and a less external form that has very blurred lines with my sex life. And now I just want to experience, feel and revel. Everything feels good and my limit are far, far away. My employer loves my productivity stats. My employer who helps me overcome thrillseeking and hitting because the freight that I pitch gangs up on me regularly. My employer that pays me to work out like Iceland Annie for 8 hours, giving me both physical and mental wellness. My, I do carry on when I'm up. There'll be peace when I'm done. No more insanity from meddlesome neurologists and their helpful suggestions. I'd rather the victory of rising again than this tiresome flight and wild landings.
  2. Cleanliness

    I know the house looks a right mess. But I know I'm busier cleaning inside me. Sometimes that's more important.
  3. Thanks Marlee
  4. Thank you both. I apologize for bombing out like that.
  5. Telling my sister

    OK. Now I remember the feelings. Being corpse cold, flumsy and coordinated at the same time, can't type with beans, nauseated, elated, fearful, torn between hiding in the fetal position and running, moving faster than m y computer can think, vision funny, checking out briefly as my body gets accustomed to the flood of changes. Hello, Adrenaline, myold friend. My old enemy? How shall I call you? I just told my sister. The one who was there. She's supportive. She doesn't remember, at all, but guessed based on our family dynamics. Now she wants to know who. And I just watched the painted logo on my phone change 3 times. Hay-yi! My head hurts. The one thing I don't understand is why my pulse slows so much. It's counter to so much regarding sympathetic nervous system physiology.
  6. I have a friend who has a strong pattern of emotional abuse, intermingled with physical and sexual abuse from a very early age. Almost nonstop. She's a bit hesitant to join Pandy's. Are there any brief summaries of what constitutes emotional and psychological abuse that I can link to her? Like I said, she has chosen to not join Pandy's so it would need to be a public source, here or otherwise. I've scanned the forums but only one jumped out at me. Thanks! JH
  7. :trigger: hospital stay

    Third grade, 1990 Hospitalized for mono, Porter Adventist night time, waking me up staff? There was only one person I had trouble with, a morning intern who was annoyingly bouncy someone strange to me someone with indigestion emotional shock wanting to stay quiet I don't know how I know, but I know. Considering that i can't remember much else at the moment, and my family that stayed with me has quite the history of dissociative amnesia and poor recollection in general.
  8. Congratulations It's a wonderful feeling.
  9. Oh, and congratulations You just healed a bit more fear.
  10. I'm not sure what country you're in wildnfree but in the USA I'd suggest filing formal complaints with your school's administration for sexual harassment and ask that he be dismissed or moved to another classroom. If you're here there are laws and policies to protect you from this, because it is your right to learn and work in safe environments.
  11. What SLM said. Some things are preventable, and some can be done yourself (you don't have to pay as much, therefore money's less of a barrier). That being said, sometimes (read: inevitably) mechanical things fail permanently. And if they do, it's not necessarily your fault.
  12. Ayn Rand quote

    Ayn Rand “I stand here on the summit of the mountain. I lift my head and I spread my arms. This, my body and spirit, this is the end of the quest. I wished to know the meaning of all things. I am the meaning. I wished to find a warrant for being. I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction. Neither am I the means to any end others may wish to accomplish. I am not a tool for their use. I am not a servant of their needs. I am not a sacrifice on their altars.” Anthem
  13. I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I'm sorry I don't have many words.
  14. Link won't work.
  15. I'm so sorry Joyware. I wish I have words... I left that religion for similar reasons. Good luck with moving and getting good sleep. JH