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  1. "So they say family is what keeps you going-F**K THAT BECAUSE THEY HURT YOU THE MOST AND WILL HURT YOU BECAUSE THEY ARE SO ANGRY AT THEMSELVES AND WILL NEVER CONFESS TO THEIR SINS." That about sums it up. I'm so sorry you have to go through all that. As if going through all these things when they happened isn't enough, and the aftermath and having to deal with all these memmories for the rest of your life isn't enough. They just have to rub it in the way they do. It's so selfish and cruel. And your mums ignorant reactions makes it worst. your typical I have enough on my mind parent reaction. Sorry I wanted to write something positive down to make you feel better, but I'm feeling a rant coming up. I hate people like that. Sometimes I wish you could just buy hapiness at a store and put it on a giftcard so I can just give it away (and keep some for myself) but unfortunatly, it's not.
  2. I had to check your profile name just to be sure that I didn't write this blog entry myself!!!! I am 22 years old and I've never had a boyfriend either, and I feel the same way you do about well everything you've written down. I've had the fantasy thing a couple of times over the past few years. But what keeps me going is the knowledge that I'm still young, and I'm on the verge of changing my life and setting myself free. I'm planning to travel the world and spending 7 months in Thaland in 2014, and being away from family and all I hope I get a chance to live like my friends did when they were 16/17 and enjoy it, be happy with it feel good about it. Why? Because I finally admitted to myself what happened all these years and memories are coming back, however painfull, I forced myself to find a way to deal with it (thats why I'm at pandy's). And now I'm ready to live! Hopefully you will find a way to feel good about yourself. I don't think there is anything wrong with having those fantasies. And maybe the abuse you have suffered is the reason why you are not interested in men closer to your age. Could also be why you don't notice people flirting with you I guess. When you're not interested you ofton don't pay attention. But to be fair, I don't know the difference between flirting, friendship, when people like you or try to use you. Did you talk to your therapist about these things? I am interested in knowing what the mental connection to this is? Maybe the fantasies are typical teenage behaviour, it's just not something people would like to share? Lol my comment is filled with maybe's. The best of luck!