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About bluebutterfly

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  1. Beautiful.
  2. Sweetjanelane, I am so sorry you're going through this and I completely relate. Anniversaries are so rough. I can't imagine handling final exams and dealing with a one year anniversary at the same time. My last anniversary I was a wreck. I am angry at the volunteer at the National Suicide Prevention Line. What she said was awful in every way. But yes, your instincts are right. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing right now. Your wanting to take care of yourself shows what good intuition you have and how strong you are. I'm so glad you're going to take care of yourself tonight. You deserve it.
  3. Safe hugs if okay.
  4. Allegro, you are a brilliant writer.
  5. Yes, it's always bothered me that they have warnings for language, sexual content and violence--but not specifically for sexual violence. I end up avoiding the news and having movies and TV screened for me by friends. It's frustrating because it would be so easy to provide a trigger warning.
  6. Don't know if I have anything helpful to say but just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and I relate. So difficult to have a parent move in with you, especially when you're a trauma survivor. And death of a parent is a big one. When my father died, my sister (who is not a survivor) grieved intensely. I hardly grieved at all. Instead, three years later I fell into a severe depression. As survivors, we often have these delayed reactions to life events. And then we can't pinpoint what's bothering us so much. It sounds like you are doing good work despite your pain. Thinking of you on your healing journey. bluebutterfly
  7. Yes. I saw a beautiful puppy today on the way to my T session and I swear puppies just give me hope.
  8. Sitting with you, yarnfoolishness.
  9. Writer2010, I am so glad you are going to pursue your writing and acting! You have the courage to achieve your dreams. I am a writer and following my passion has both sustained and healed me.
  10. This entry has been incredibly helpful to me, yarnfoolishness. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Sending you good wishes and support.
  11. Thank you so much bellachai and yarn foolishness. Support from other survivors means so much to me. Many healing thoughts to both of you.
  12. Thank you so much for your support, yarn foolishness! I'm always so touched when other members write kind words on my blog entries. It really means a lot to me. Good wishes and light to you.
  13. From (now ex) fiancé: "I'm glad that that's all that happened to you."
  14. decision made

    So I've been reflecting for the last couple of days….and have decided that yes, I want to talk directly about the abuse with my therapist. I do need to revisit the trauma. When I made that decision, I felt better. Like I've been fighting and fighting for months and getting pulled deeper into a black pit. And all my efforts to return to my life are just not working. So I just surrendered--said that okay, I was going to let the memories come up again. Some part of me needs to be heard and I will suffer enormously until I let it speak. As soon as I felt that surrender, I felt better. I have that sense of being young--of being nine, the age when the abuse occurred. I don't really know exactly what she went through, because I don't remember most of the abuse. But clearly she has more to say.
  15. Thank you so much for your support and validation, Allegro. Safe hugs and much light to you too.