phoenixrising06

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About phoenixrising06

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    Female
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    Survivor
  1. Another Club Member reporting in for the night (or early morning). Someone mentioned a natural supplement to aid sleeping. What is this? I had some herbal tea a few years back...sleepy tea or comfort tea--I forget the name...that was supposed to aid w/sleeping and was calming, but I don't remember what any of the ingredients were. I'd love something natural to help slow/calm my nerves down a bit vs. an actual sleeping med. Since I don't get down for more than 5 or so hours at a time, I'm afraid I'd be an even worse wandering, groggy basket case in the am w/prescription meds. My insomnia has been off the radar for the past year...on and off. I find that stress and anxiety feed into this. I also think that as I delve deeper into "sitting w/my emotions," it disturbs/digs up stuff that messes w/me when I close my eyes. I normally do not remember dreams, but have been having some doozies as of late. Like about a week and a half ago, I had two in one night about being mortally hurt and saw clearly who was doing it (someone I know). I was also attacked while sleeping, so that doesn't help. Hang in there guys!!!!!
  2. Hey Kiota...I could join that club too. From Nov-Feb, I had on and off periods of sleeping 12+ hours and never getting enough. I would wander all night and then sleep all day. Nasty stuff.
  3. Charley! Welcome to the Club!!! Well, not so sure it is a "welcome" to be here... , but maybe we can all help each other. It is early for me right now and I hope to maybe put myself to bed "on time" tonight. But I hope that every night. Take care, PR
  4. ((((Iris)))) if okay. Fear not, you are not "unholy." It is something you can't explain to anyone if they aren't in the position to understand what you are going through. I've heard sermons re: taking care of your body/temple, but not specifically to sleep. The sermons I've heard sometimes go to eating the "wrong" things and being overweight/obese. Those gnaw at me as I am overweight. But insomnia is a tricky thing. For me it comes and goes. My fears, anger, stress, tears, etc. all find a way into my sleep patterns. When people ask me about why I am so tired or why I'm having trouble sleeping, what do I say? How do I explain what my mind and body chooses to do (vs. me choosing to make it sleep)? I don't have an answer for you, but I do have hugs and words to let you know you are not alone. Something I've worked on a lot this year through my counseling is letting go of the control (or lack of it) regarding my sleeping and just letting it be. Sometimes it regulates and other times it doesn't, but me getting even more stressed about it by far makes it worse. Take care, PR
  5. Howdy to all in the "club!" I haven't been here in our clubhouse for a bit, but I've been awake. I'm awake now. I've been anxious for the past few weeks. It is anxiety, emptiness, feeling broken, stress, smoldering anger...all baked into one. I've been eating very very very very very badly. Today, knowing better but doing it anyway, I baked some instant (the break apart and just bake kind) cookies and have made myself sick eating them. I've had at least 12 today. Just want to give a big ((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))) to you all. I'm struggling w/trying to put new patterns into place and fighting w/the inside urges to choose bad coping avenues. I hope you all are havng a better time of it. Take care, PR
  6. "My mum screamed at me ... she said ....... you always make me worry...you're on your internet and in your room all the time...what are you trying to do to yourself huh? you think I dont know about sick people who are addicted to internet .......................you better do something !!!!!!! you do better do somethingggggggggggggg !!!!!!!! " Yikes! Your mom and my mom were separated at birth. :wacko: My mom is always asking "why are you still awake? What do you do in your office all the time? What are you doing on the computer? Are you in chat rooms? People have come up missing from playing in chat rooms. (She watches way too many news stories.) You aren't meeting people on the Internet are you? You better get some sleep. You aren't going to be able to function in the morning." It is great to have someone care, but eggads! I swear she became a totally unleashed voice around 50. Just full steam w/limited tact. Ha ha ha...gotta love them though. (Putting on some music and dancing for your party.) PR
  7. Hey Adeline! We're going to need to schedule a party specifically at your "early am rambling" time. As I rambled this am (it is 5:15pm for me now), I tried everything...reading, computer time, drinking tea, lying down, etc. I then tossed for a few hours and didn't really settle down for a good nap until almost 9am. Then I got in almost 3 hours before I had to wake up and function. Guess it is good to be a student and not working right now...though I'm steady looking for a gig. How we function on so little sleep is nuts. Maybe we are special effect zombies? Pod people? Vampires? Take care, PR
  8. Like so many said: being touched in my sleep. I was attacked after dozing/blacking out while drunk. I woke up to him on top of me. I sleep very sound and have been known to swing if awakened the wrong way. I tell family/friends to say my name while standing AWAY from the bed vs. just touching or shaking me. Anyone touching/grabbing my wrists Sneaking up on me People who are too familiar after just meeting me, especially men Bars w/too many people (so you are bumped when walking) and drunk aggressive men Being told "it was good" or that "I was good" in ref. to sexual activity GYN appointments Sometimes lying on my back looking up at the ceiling if I have to stay that way for a bit Certain cologne smells Complete darkness (can't see if anyone is sneaking up on me) Feeling judged, even if over small stuff. Also feeling disrespected...I go from 0 to 100 in a second. Public restrooms Being told "I love you" by a man Wow...too many.
  9. (((((Sass))))) (PR wiping away a tear) Wow...some of the things you have heard and seen since your rape are beyond disgusting and unacceptable. Makes me just want to pop the younger sister, ex-boyfriend, ignorant co-workers, etc. in the head. A friend of mine once told me that women are treacherous. She says this from being tossed under the bus one too many times in dealing w/other females. While I refuse to blanket accept this and overall denounce "us," I will give her that some females are the hardest on and lack compassion for other women...due to their own issues. Your friend's younger sister and the co-worker are perfect examples of this. It is like shining a negative/false light on you...blaming or otherwise lying and disrespecting you...takes the light off of them. Now to your rapist. What he said to you--with tone and smirk in voice and on face--took me back immediately to what my ex-boyfriend rapist said to me the next morning as he drove me home. He said that "last night was the best. You did good. That was the best we've been." The cockiness of that, the premeditated intent. In the realm of everything we do coming back on us by two...may the universe bring them both what they truly deserve. Double Take care, PR
  10. Thanks Sass for making me laugh and breathe. Your "really bad sailors mouth" would love my my foul-mouthed gremlins. I've been sensoring them, but they dance out when anxious (and tired). ) One thing that let's me know I'm doing better since starting counseling is my not freaking out so much about not sleeping and letting the process be. Sometimes it bothers me b/c I have something important to do the next day and know I'll be a bit off/spacey or b/c I think I'm trying to avoid something. But at least I'm not making myself an even more anxious rabbit like I was back in May from not being able to control my sleep. I've got a long way to go, but yeah for the little realizations. PR
  11. Hello to anyone else awake this am! Sass, you said "I think the stress and alertness deep down in our psyche is very powerful." Amen to that. That's the story of my life carrying over from last week. I had a period of insomnia...bad...back in May/June. Then things got normal for me, but now it is back. I'm stressed about a friend I haven't heard back from, two friends who have move stuff going on, my job search, school stuff, summer almost being over, therapy, my emotions, the dang brownies (downstairs) calling my name... I've been considering sleep meds, but I'm not sure if that's the best choice for me. Sometimes my sleeping issues can toss me into bad migraines and getting too much sleep can do that sometimes. I'm going to start a yoga class in September that will hopefully let me learn some breathing and relaxation techniques. Hope someone out there is sleeping. PR