mistymornings18

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    62
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About mistymornings18

  • Rank
    Trying to survive...
  • Birthday 12/05/1987

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Location
    Somewhere in time
  • Interests
    Swimming, Reading, Writing, being a good mother, nature, animals, and anything to keep myself busy :)
  1. I finally gave in and decided to let my precious special needs son go to a special preschool starting in October of this year, after he turns three years old. It'll be the first time that my son is away from me, with people whom i don't personally know. Its going to be tough, but i know its what is best for him. They can provide him with the much needed speech therapy, and God knows his father and i want him to learn to talk badly. He'll be able to meet new friends, and won't be totally alone as my sister's disabled daughter also goes to this preschool and is in the class he'll be in. I have met the teachers, and they seem to be okay. I am having some issues letting go of him...even for something i know will benefit him. I cannot help but to think about all the bad men in my life, and all the abuse i endured...i don't know these people to well, and i don't know how i will handle him being with them for any amount of time without me, even if its only going to be two hours two times a week. I always have the what if's in the back of my mind..What if they hurt him, or they are mean to him? He cannot tell me when he gets home..he won't be able to communicate it to me....how will i be able to protect him from the bad if i don't know about it... His fatehr and I have decided that after preschool he'll be homeschooled, and that is not up for discussion. I was five years old when my abuse started...so was his father..his father was abused by a gym teacher during hte first and second grades, and doesn't want him exposed to such pain and niether do i. I wonder often if i would feel differently about if if he wasn't disabled, and was a normal child with the ability to tell me whats going on, and expressing how he feels..He cannot do that, and it scares me. I never thought about this before i gave birth to him. You never even consider that your child will be anything but normal and healthy. You don't sit there and try and figure out what you'll do about this sorta thing, because honestly you don't believe it could happen to you until it does. I always knew i wanted to homeschool because of my abuse and the fact i didn't want my children out of my sight. But having a child who NEEDS at least preschool, well its such a hard choice. On one hand, i want him to be able to learn and succeed in life, and going to this preschool with help him do that more then any other thing i could do for him. I know its whats best, and is what is the right thing for him and his future. But on the other hand, i don't want to let him go because even though it will be best for him, he isn't bale to tell me if someone is mean to him, or if someone hurts him or touches him in a bad way..he can't stand up for himself, and is just really tiny for his age...anyone could take advantage of him..and i wouldn't be able to protect him because i wouldn' thave a clue it was going on... You want to do whats best for your child, any parent worth anything does. But when you have a past like we have had...well its not such a black and white issues...SIGHS....