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About Joy21

  • Birthday 03/01/1991

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    Tattoos piercingly dogs reading
  1. right well basically I wrote a letter to my parents in an email attachment, i know its a bit impersonal but I have no ink in my printer and it really needed to be sent before I chickened out. It was a letter about how Im hurt by the way they act towards me and that things need to change, Im still waiting for them to read the email. Tthe longer i wait the more scard I am of how they react I wasnt mean in the letter I was honest and I also took responsibility for things that I have done that have damaged our relationship but the wait is killing me i dont want to upset them but it has to be said something has to change before it too late to fix our relationship just dont know if it was the right thing to do.
  2. Its been a while

    So ... It been a long time since i felt the need to write here but here i am again! Once again its about my parents or the lack of tbh. alot has changed since the last time i was here, I have left my home town and moved to a new house and I love it out here. I also started college which is difficult but im managing. So basically my prob is parents had a baby a year ago and I lover with all my heart. but ihavent seen her since nov 3. My parents wont come out and visit and any time they come out which has been a whopping two times in the last 2 months my sister is asleep and they dont want to wake her so one of them will stay at home with her. Their whole attitude towards me is disgusting and they dont even see how horrible they are.they think its fine, and are very happy with their little family back home and they dont have to worry about the black sheep aka me, outa sight outa mind kind of thing. The worst part about it is how much it hurts, i know some where dep down they care but at the end of the day they dont like me and i certainly dont like them all i worry about is my sister and how their emotional bankruptcy will ruin her unless i can form a solid bond with her, which at the mo i cant because im not aloud see her. and for a little background information my dad told me when my mom was pregnant that i was a failed experiment and hopefully they will get it right this time, he said it as joke but the meaning was very clear to me !!!!!
  3. so im sitting in the arm chair in our bedroom jealously watching james sleep, well im watching greys anatomy aswell. once again there is nothing up just not tired but at the same rime all i want is to be asleep in his arms having my mental dreams as always. when i say mental i mean it in a good way 99% of the time my dreams are awesomely weird lol/ The other morning i woke up and at that moment when your between sleep and awake actually said "I want to work in a flower shop" not my weirdest dream but james found it very funny. I asked james i wanted him to be the perfect bf for one day on my bday and i feel kinda bad about it cuz honestly he is as close to perfect as u can get in my eyes anyway, he fools arund alot very sarcastic and always sneaking up on me to give me a fright but not in a bad way and i think its funny not that ill ever tell him that lol so i dont think i shud have asked him but i honestly didnt mean it in a bad way i just meant i wanted him to be sweet and gentle just for a little while cuz i no he can be that way.

    Well things have been kid of off between me and James lately. I thought it was something serious and that we werent going to last much longer. These feelings lasted about 5 days and what a horrible 5 days it was. Turns out it was all in my head as he was preoccupied about the problems he is having with his car (PHEW!!. /Now that the car is all sorted things are going back to normal. I can safely say my friend will be very happy as she wont hae to listen to me bitch and moan about how worried i am.
  5. Thanks miss Hannah I'm sure it will all work out fingers crossd ill get some sleep tonight!!!
  6. Ummmmm?

    Still feeling a little "off" everything is fine during the day but when everyone is asleep I feel completely alone I just wanna wake my bf up and lie in his arms until I either feel ok again or fall asleep. I hate this feeling so much because as far as I can see there is no direct cause for it. And I can't tell any one about it because its kinda stupid I feel like everyone thinks I'm strong and moving on wonderful but I'm not there yet and most definitely not as strong as people think I am or I wouldn't be lying in bed tormented in silence by nothing !!!! I wish my bf would wake up and notice something's up but how can he when I don't even know what it is and even if I did I'm so good at pretending everything is fine I even fool myself a little. The worst part is if I could bring myself to admit it to him he would be there 100% but I can't so he can't. I feel like I can't breath right now and I want to cry for no reason at all but nothing is coming out :/ I get nervous when he moves incase he wakes up and notices something but at the same time like I said I really want him too !!!! I hope I sleep eventually tonight I can't continue like this or I'll crack up !! Oh my aunt came down for a visit and the whole family was invited to my mothers but some how I was conveniently forgotten about only for my nana,who I visited only by chance today told me. I know it may seem silly but in all fairness every one else was told but me and dinner was made for them all except me. I know this sounds like a poor me moan but really it's a family get together I'm pretty sure I'm meant to be included in that but obviously I was mistaken BIG TIME !! Even when I got there nothing was said about it not being mentioned to me not was I made welcome in the kitchen with everyone I ended up in the sitting room with my dad feeling highly uncomfortable About being in my own parents house !!!!!!!!!
  7. Ok I dunno if any ones reading this or if its even gonna make sense !! Right now everything is going really well in my life I have my own place a wonderful boy friend and there is a peaceful stalemate between me and my folks ( not that they realise there is ever a problem) and best of all I have a wonderful baby sister !!! But the last two nights in a row this feeling of unease settles over me round this time and I can't shake it there is nothing majorly wrong in any aspect of my life so I I shouldn't be feeling this way and since I can't explain this feeling or why it's there I feel like I can't tell any one. I know if there was something serious wrong I could wake my bf but since he's up for work in 3 hours that Wundt be fair to him !! I feel like tearing my hair out because something is wrong but at the same time NOTHING IS WRONG !!! :(/>
  8. Ok so I'm not sure how these blogs work exactly so I'm just gonna wing it. I got rudely awoken today at 8 am by my bf as payback for dragging him outa bed in guessing this is gonna be a long game of tilt for tat (the maturity levels in my house are outstanding I know ) but sure it's all a bit of fun really. On the upside I got the house nice and clean and it stayed that way ! When the mr came back from college we finally made it around to going for a walk in a beautiful forestry nearby (if u have a car). I realised how unfit I am but it was really nice to spend time just me my bf and missy of course with no outside annoyances. It was a pretty uneventful day but honestly that's just how I like it !!