Dasein

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About Dasein

  • Birthday 02/10/1985

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  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  1. i feel the same way..im trying to work through the same issues your having. .over the past week my boyfriend has been telling me he wants to help me, but i have no idea what to say or how to respond to that. I feel numb about the situation and feel like no one can...I guess I just feel that If i dont know how to help me, how am i suppose to tell others how to? Dont feel alone.. i think the best thing you can ask for is just for someone to just be there when you need them on the hard days, and the ability to feel comfortable talking to them about how you feel inside and how it is effecting your life at the current moment. It's alot easier said than done, but it sounds like you have people around you who care! which is great and im happy you have that. Try to surround yourself or be around the people/person that makes you feel the most secure, safe, and trustworthy, this maybe a good place to start because you may feel more comfortable opening up to them. All the research ive read indicates that talking about your assault with people who are close to you is very productive for the healing process..so try to keep this in mind when you feel like giving up. You deserve to heal. Hope this helped :] I hope you have a better tomorrow <3
  2. I feel the same way.. It seemed that my life was so much easier when I suppressed the fact that I was raped.. Not only do I feel that my life was easier but also my body felt alot better. I feel like shit quite often and some days are harder to bear than others especially when I have nightmares about the incident.. I often times find me reminding myself why I began therapy and opening up to the closest people around me: to heal. I'm sorry to hear that things have been so rough for you lately but just try and remember why you decided to be brave and courageous enough to come forward.. Even though you aren't proud of yourself for confronting the fact that you were molested, i think you are a strong, courageous woman and I hope you have a better tomorrow . Hang in there
  3. i had another nightmare about him. this is the second week in a row where he has come into my dreams. the first dream was about him trying to come and find me and me being terrified about him being able to locate me. my dream today was about me confronting him on the telephone and then seeing his face in a restaurant that i use to work at during the time it happened. Ever since ive been awake, i feel numb, empty, disconnected, and depressed. how or what helps to tame or make these nightmares disappear? even the sight of him in my dreams makes me quiver.. after 5 years of denial and shame, i barely began to address and confront my rape at the beginning of this month. since then, flashbacks, and nightmares have infiltrated my mind. sleep was once a refuge for me, and now it has become a source of fear and uncertainty because i never know when these dreams will occur or what triggers them.
  4. how do i revive my feelings and begin to heal ????????????
  5. Numbness towards my predator.

    Is it normal to feel completely numb toward my rapist? I guess it feels odd for me because he was a childhood friend i knew for about 10 years. whenever i think of him and what he did to me, i cant muster or feel any emotions. No hate, anger, sadness, etc. I think of him and i feel absolutely nothing, yet I find myself terrified of him ever coming to find me, or running into him. i feel like i should hate him for what hes done, and i think some where deep, deep down inside that i do, but im having difficulty channeling any emotion besides absolute fear of his return.
  6. Numb and alone.

    Ever since school has been out, it has forced me to mentally cope with my rape more frequently because my mind is not as occupied. As a result, i have been feeling very self concious,insecure,and worst of all i started to have nightmares about him coming to look for me. Today I couldnt even get out of bed until 3 this afternoon. I just havent been able to shake my depression off today...i feel like crying and i cant. im having flashbacks of that night..My boyfirend has no idea why Im acting in certain ways and I feel like i cant tell him because xmas is in a few days..I feel terrible. I feel bad at the way Im treating him and myself today but I feel like I cant control it. I have developed a hate for myself because of what happened. i cant help but feel like im to blame still. Im completely numb and i feel no emotions for anyone. Some one please help me through tonight...
  7. Numb and alone.

    Ever since school has been out, it has forced me to mentally cope with my rape more frequently because my mind is not as occupied. As a result, i have been feeling very self concious,insecure,and worst of all i started to have nightmares about him coming to look for me. Today I couldnt even get out of bed until 3 this afternoon. I just havent been able to shake my depression off today...i feel like crying and i cant. im having flashbacks of that night..My boyfirend has no idea why Im acting in certain ways and I feel like i cant tell him because xmas is in a few days..I feel terrible. I feel bad at the way Im treating him and myself today but I feel like I cant control it. I have developed a hate for myself because of what happened. i cant help but feel like im to blame still. Im completely numb and i feel no emotions for anyone. Some one please help me through tonight...
  8. I was drugged and raped about 4/5 years ago by my best friend from childhood. It has taken me this long to recognize and address the fact that I have been raped and its so painful and im so full of emotions but at the same time I also feel very numb at times. For years and years I was in denial, confusion, and most improtantly self blame which is why I never confronted him, and never told anyone. I originally decided to go to the counsler to deal with my deep seated trust issues and i came to realize that it is because of what happened to me..all these years I have been pointing my finger at other people because I blamed them for me not being able to trust them, when now I realize it also has alot to do with me and most notably what happened to me. Ever since I came out about this all but 3 days ago, I feel like my mind and body are a mess. Im depressed and scared.. My parents and I are very close and they are very concerned about me ... I saw them today but I talked about other reasons I was depressed and so emotional, not the ROOT cause of why this has "come out of no where" to them. I felt terrible. Part of me wanted to come out and tell them but I just couldnt do it. I feel like I brake my parents heart..Im also scared that their going to blame me for what happened and treat me differently. Although i know how much my mom and dad love and care about me, it still terrifies me. I dont want to break their heart, especially my Dad, im his best friend and I know he just adores me, and I feel that if I tell him I would hurt him.. I just dont know what to do, I hate lying to them but I feel like I dont have a choice... The same goes for my current boyfriend who I love with all my heart and soul. It was because of him that I chose to see and counsler and get help with my trust issues because I see how much it affects him and our relationship.I didnt want to loose him because he is the best thing that has ever happened to me and he provides with so much love, support, and comfort... however, he has also been diagnosed with depression lately. Although he is getting better and fighting everyday I feel like this is another obstacle in telling him. I want to tell him so he can better understand why I am the way I am, but im terrified in how he will react to it... Im scared he wont be able to handle it, or that he will think differently of me and leave me. This would completely devistate me since he is my inspiration at trying to heal myself. So not only am I terrified of his reaction, but I also dont want to contribute to his depression any further...I know he loves me and supports me but I feel like since I have not been able to cope with it for 4/5 years I dont know how he will either. This is what Im most scared of. I dont want to loose my parents or my boyfriend, but at the same time I feel like im distancing myself from them by not telling them the full truth about whats going on with me. Does anyone have any advice for this? I would greatly appreciate it. I have been crying on and off all day and have developed quite the headache. I feel so rittled with worry, sadness, and numbness...
  9. I completely understand how you feel.. I have been feeling the exact same way as you especially these past two days. I feel so numb. and when I do talk to someone about my depression, I have to omit that my depression as of late is caused by a traumatic and severely repressed memory of being drugged and raped by one of my childhood best friends. I hate holding things back.. i feel like that only makes it worse but I also feel that right now i dont have a choice. I have barely began to address this myself just a few days ago. I went to a councler because I have come to notice I have very deep rooted trust issues and realized how much it has affected my past relationships..I just never noticed it because I have repressed this memory so hard, for 4/5 years, so I almost feel like my body is in emotional shock because my mind has finally allowed me to address the fact that I was raped. I just began to address this issue with a councler on nov.30..I have never talked it about it to anyone prior to that. It was even an emotional experience for me to click the box titled sexual trauma/rape because I have supressed and ignnored it for so long. When I finally uttered the word rape out of my mouth (which I never have before in my life) I immediately bursted into tears... i must say that since that day Ive never been worse... I almost wish that i never started to address it... I felt better when I was supressing it, ignoring it, being in denial, confusion, and self blame. Now that I have come to terms with it -it has had a devistating effect on my mind and body. I have crying episodes everyday now. something that i never really thought about at all is consuming my mind and body completely. i dont eat much anymore and my body doesnt even want water sometimes... I also recently just told my best friend of 8 years who was sexually abused by her brother about what happened to me and it did not go as I planned... she told me she didnt know what to say except for sorry, and she talked alittle bit about how it has affected her life but then she dropped it. I guess i cant blame her because she is still dealing with that herself ..but i really wanted her to comfort me more and hug me... i wish she wouldve called me today to see how i was but she didnt. Because of her reaction, It makes me feel even more scared to connect with others and also to even attempt to talk about it to someone else. I feel almost as if i diving deeper and deeper into isolation and I dont want that, but my mind is controlling me... Dont feel alone Sherodon, I have pains that are similar to yours. All we can do is hope for a better and stronger tomorrow. <3