The hardest part is 'believing' that we are "worth something". And it's only when we do, that we will be willing to fight for ourselves, and things will get better. Try to remember your self-hatred/self-blame are part of the current belief-system you are feeding yourself that tells you 'you have something to feel guilty/bad about'. You don't. NO ONE deserved to be raped. It does not matter the circumstance or situation...your abuser should have known better! So direct your anger at him/her, NEVER at yourself. Also, the thing about belief-systems is that everything we experience in every new second is 'filtered' through them. This makes it very difficult for positive beliefs to take root when you have a negative belief-system about ourselves because every compliment you receive, every good thought you might muster up about yourself, will eventually-if-not-automatically GET THROWN OUT! The only way to counter this problem is by replacing your current negative belief-system (i.e. positivity rejected, negativity accepted) with a positive belief-system (i.e. negativity rejected, positivity accepted). You must change the rules you follow in your head! I use an 'opposites' method for this. For example, whenever you have thoughts/words like "I am worthless." OR "I am 'a freaking idiot'." OR "I make bad choices." exchange them instead with their OPPOSITES like "I have worth." OR "I am intelligent." OR "I make good choices." Start a HABIT of repeating these new positive mantras in your head daily, and soon you will 'train yourself' to have a positive belief-system. The importance of this is that our thoughts/words are VERY POWERFUL in sculpting our reality! Whenever we 'believe' something, we inadvertently ACT upon it. For instance, if we believe things like 'I am a failure', we will ACT in ways that are self-defeating (e.g. fear of trying new things, inability to follow through on goals, etc.). Similarly, if we believe things like 'I am a success', we will begin to ACT in ways that are self-gratifying (e.g. courage to try new things, determination to finish goals, etc.). The reason this happens is because our 'subconscious' MIND always obeys whatever our 'conscious' MIND is telling it (i.e. belief-system). FACT. Your subconscious-self WILL NOT contradict/argue/fight what your conscious-self is telling it--it just always only conforms! So any information you give yourself, about yourself, MATTERS. Therefore, in the future, try using the 'opposites' method each time a 'negative' thought enters your head, or 'negative' words escape your mouth about yourself. For example, if you're used to chatting with your friend over lunch about what "a freaking idiot" you are or how you 'make bad choices', future lunch dates will include your sharing instead your NEW beliefs about yourself with this friend (e.g. I am intelligent. I make good choices.). And after awhile, it will become effortless and you will begin to 'act' in ways that support this new POSITIVE belief-system about yourself. Good luck!