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About LittleJulie

  • Birthday 10/30/1977

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    My daughter
  1. A Letter to Little Julie

    A letter to Little Julie. Just thought I'd share. Hoping it might help someone...maybe even myself or Little Julie. Dear Little Julie, It's ok, sweetheart. You can come out now. I think I'm strong enough to protect you. I'd like to try. I want you to know that it wasn't your fault what happened. The monster lied to you. I know it's a lie. You did not deserve this. And he won't kill your family or you if you tell me about it. I'm ready to listen to your whole story and not just parts of it. I want to know everything that happened. I want to help you, Little Julie. I want to help you experience a childhood, and to eventually grow up. I know that I've pushed you away for so long. I've ignored you. I'm sorry, Little Julie. I'm so very sorry. I know I couldn't protect you when you were little. But I can now. Please trust me. Come out and play and tell me your story. You are so beautiful and innocent. You were too weak to fight him off of you. I'm so sorry. My sweet Little Julie, I will learn to love you unconditionally as I love my daughter. Please give me time. I will work on it, if you give me a chance. I want to love you, I just don't know how. Come out and play. I bought you coloring books and crayons. It's ok to play. He won't hurt you anymore. No one will. I won't let them. I'm ready to hear the whole story, if you are ready to tell me. I pray every day for the strength to handle what you have to say. And I'm going to therapy again. Plus I have this great support group. Please talk to me, Little Julie. I won't shove you away this time. I'll listen. I may cry with you, but I'll still listen. Till next time we talk, Julie
  2. Just some ramblings

    I'm not sure what to say. I'm scared and anxious about seeing my therapist tomorrow. I haven't seen her in two weeks because of her vacation. She doesn't know that I have found this great online support site. I'll tell her. I did tell my doctor about it and he thinks I'm doing good. I also told my regular doctor, who knows about the abuse, that I have cried at every session I've had with my therapist. He said it was least he knows I am trying to heal now instead of run away. But I want to run away...far, far away and hide. Though I couldn't leave my daughter or Little Julie behind. I have to protect them both. I feel so lost. So alone.
  3. Can I tell my story?

    I sometimes wonder if I am strong deal with the memories, to write my story, to actually heal. I want to tell my story, but I am afraid. I think Little Julie is more afraid than I am. Or maybe it's the other way around. I want to know exactly everything that happened to her. But part of me is afraid. Afraid I can't handle knowing it all. Or is it Little Julie that's afraid I can't handle it? She wants to tell her story. But she only tells me bits and pieces of what happened. Will he follow through with the threats if he knows she has told? Somewhere inside we are afraid that he will. I want so badly to let Little Julie grow up and be happy and healthy. But she is afraid.
  4. Am I strong enough?

    I want to tell. I really do. Little Julie wants her story to be known. But yet, she is afraid. So very scared to utter those horrible words of what that monster did to her. I want to help Little Julie tell her story. But I don't know how to support her and encourage her. How do you convince a small child to tell something so horrible...when she was threatened that if she ever told her family would be killed and then her. Yes, I've told little parts of what Little Julie has remembered. But no one knows the whole story. Not even me. Little Julie tells me on her own time through flashbacks and nightmares. It scares me so that I don't know how to help her. Little Julie, if you are listening... It was NOT your fault. You did NOT deserve this. He is the MONSTER, not you. No one will hurt you now. I will protect you. You are a brave little girl. You are wonderful and beautiful. I love you, Little Julie.
  5. I love this. Great job.
  6. Thank you missophelia. I appreciate your kind words. I know that writing has helped me in the past, and I'm hoping that by sharing my writing, it will help me heal.
  7. My first Blog...just trying it out

    I thought it might be a good idea for me to try my hand at blogging. I've never really done this before and I'm fairly new to this site. I'm hoping to make friends who actually understand me...and what I've been through. I'm tired of being alone with no one who understands. I have just recently started counseling again. But even my therapist probably doesn't know what I'm going through. Not really. Does anyone? I'm trying to hold my head above the water. I can't "drown" because I have to think about my wonderful daughter. She is my reason for living. My reason for healing and letting go of my horrible past. I'm trying. But it's so very hard.
  8. I can only think of a few. I'm working on my healing so I thought I would post and share what my triggers are. *The middle room in a hallway *Dark hallways *The old roll-top desks *Gun cabinets *Twin size beds *Hearing about other children being abused