jane1004

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About jane1004

  • Birthday October 4

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  1. SELF ESTEEM 1. I feel dirty, like there's something wrong with me. -- sometimes 2. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. -- sometimes 3. I feel ashamed. -- a lot 4. I'm different from other people. -- sometimes 5. I feel powerless. -- a lot 6. If people really knew me, they'd leave. -- sometimes 7. I want to die. -- never 8. I want to kill myself. -- never 9. I hate myself. -- almost always 10. I have a hard time taking care of myself. -- sometimes 11. I don't deserve to be happy. -- rarely 12. I don't trust my intuition or my feelings. -- rarely 13. I'm often confused. -- sometimes 14. I don't know how to set goals and follow through on them. -- usually 15. I'm scared of success. -- always 16. I'm a failure. I don't feel capable of doing a good job. -- rarely, but i'm so scared of failing I don't want to try 17. I use work to make up for empty feelings inside. -- never 18. I'm a perfectionist. -- sometimes 19. I've made up a lot of stories about my life. -- never 20. I've done a lot of shoplifting. -- never MY FEELINGS 1. I don't think feelings are very important. -- sometimes... I don't mine are as important as others 2. I usually don't know what I'm feeling. -- rarely 3. I can't tell one feeling from another. -- rarely 4. I only experience one or two emotions. -- never 5. I have a hard time expressing my feelings. -- usually 6. I have a hard time crying freely. -- always 7. I cry all the time. -- never 8. I get uncomfortable when I feel too happy. -- sometimes 9. I get nervous when things are relaxed and calm. -- never 10. I feel enraged a lot of the time. -- sometimes 11. I'm rarely angry. Anger scares me. -- never 12. I get depressed a lot. -- sometimes 13. I have a lot of nightmares. -- rarely 14. I have panic attacks. -- sometimes 15. If I really let myself go, my feelings would be out of control. -- always 16. I've been violent. -- never 17. I haven't been violent yet, but I'm worried I might be. -- sometimes MY BODY 1. I'm not "in my body" a lot of the time. -- often 2. I frequently space out. -- always 3. My body often feels numb. -- sometimes 4. I feel as if my body is separate from the rest of me. -- sometimes 5. I don't pay too much attention to my body's signals (hunger, tiredness, pain). -- never 6. I think my body is ugly. -- always 7. I hide my body. -- always 8. I'm dyslexic. I had learning disabilities when I was growing up. -- never 9. I use drugs or alcohol more than I think I should. -- never...not anymore 10. I often eat compulsively. -- sometimes 11. I keep myself from eating, or eat and throw up. -- sometimes 12. I hurt myself on purpose (cut, burn or injure myself) -- sometimes 13. I have illnesses I think are related to my abuse. -- never 14. I've worked out to make my body strong so I wouldn't feel like a victim. -- never 15. I've had flashbacks of the abuse during surgery or other medical procedures. -- never 16. I'm scared to go to the dentist. I hate the feeling of things in my mouth. -- never 17. (For women) I'm scared to go to the gynecologist. -- sometimes INTIMACY 1. I often feel alienated from other people, as if I'm from another planet. -- always 2. Most of my relationships just don't work. -- sometimes 3. I don't have many friends. -- always 4. I'm okay with my friends, but I just can't work things out with a lover. -- rarely 5. I think I'm really meant to be alone. -- never 6. I'm not sure I deserve to be loved. -- always 7. I don't know what love is. -- never 8. I find it hard to trust people. -- always 9. I think people are going to leave me. -- always 10. I test people a lot. -- sometimes 11. It's hard for me to be nurtured or to nurture someone else. -- sometimes. I have a hard time being nurtured 12. I'm clingy with people I'm close to. I'm afraid to be alone. -- sometimes. i refuse to be alone in crowds, especially parties 13. I'm scared of making commitment. When people get too close, I panic. -- sometimes 14. I have a hard time saying no. -- always 15. People take advantage of me in relationships. -- sometimes 16. I get involved with people who are inappropriate or inaccessible. -- usually 17. I've had relationships with people who remind me of my abuser. -- never 18. I'm struggling a lot with my partner. -- sometimes 19. Sometimes I think my partner is my abuser. -- never 20. Sexual abuse is really creating problems in my relationship. -- never SEXUALITY 1. I avoid sex. Deep down, I wish I never had to deal with sex again. -- rarely 2. I am celibate. I haven't had sex in years. -- never 3. I really think sex is disgusting. -- rarely 4. I don't feel sexual desire. I think there's something basically wrong with it. -- never 5. Sex isn't pleasurable for me. I usually have sex to make the other person happy. -- never. I have in the past 6. I try to use sex to meet most of my needs. -- never 7. It really feels like I'm "oversexed" -- never 8. Sex and aggression are really connected for me. -- never 9. I find it hard to be close in nonsexual ways. It just isn't satisfying. -- sometimes 10. I frequently go after sex I really don't want. -- never 11. Sex is the thing I'm best at. -- never 12. I've sold myself for sex. -- never 13. I've had sex with people who don't respect me. -- sometimes 14. I need to control everything about sex. -- sometimes 15. I have a hard time staying present when I make love. I'm numb a lot during lovemaking. -- rarely 16. When I am sexual, I have terrifying, scary feelings I don't understand. -- rarely (not so much anymore) 17. I often have flashbacks of my abuse while making love. -- rarely 18. I get sexually aroused when I read or talk about sexual abuse. -- never 19. Violent, sadistic fantasies turn me on. -- never 20. I'm ashamed of my sexuality. -- sometimes 21. I've sexually abused others. -- never CHILDREN AND PARENTING 1. I feel awkward and uncomfortable around children. -- never 2. I have a hard time being affectionate with kids. -- never 3. I have a hard time setting boundaries with kids. -- never 4. I have a hard time balancing children's needs with my own. -- never 5. (For parents) I feel inadequate as a parent. N/A 6. I have trouble protecting children I take care of. -- never. 7. I tend to be overprotective. -- sometimes 8. I've successfully protected children. -- always 9. I'm scared I'll be abusive. -- never 10. I have abused children. -- never 11. My kids have been abused (by someone else). -- never MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN 1. I have strained relationships with my family. -- sometimes 2. Members of my family have rejected me (or vice versa) -- never 3. I have a hard time setting limits with my family. -- always 4. People in my family invalidate my feelings and experiences. -- they dont know 5. I feel crazy when I'm around my family. -- sometimes 6. I can't be honest with the people in my family. -- always 7. My abuse is still a secret in my family. -- always 8. I'm waiting for people in my family to come around and support me. -- never If many of the statements on this list were familiar to you, you may feel overwhelmed right now. Put the purpose of this assessment is not to overwhelm you; it's to show you that there's a reason why you experience the things you do. It's to point out the areas that need healing. It is possible to dramatically alter your life so that your answers two years from now will bear little resemblance to your answers today. 1. When I look over my responses, I feel... -- okay, a little overwhelmed. 2. I've been most strongly affected in the areas of... -- my body image and self esteem 3. I was least affected in the areas of... -- family. they don't know and probably never will, I'm too embarrassed to tell them 4. The hardest statements for me to acknowledge were... -- the ones about my body image 5. I feel the most hopeful about making changes in... my self esteem issues 6. I already made major strides in the following areas... sexuality and confidence within a relationship, building trust 7. I feel the most hopeless about changing... How I feel in a crowd, at a party, or around alcohol. 8. I was surprised by... some of my responses 9. I learned... that the more I deal with it rather than avoid it, the better I feel