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About InsanlyInvisable

  • Birthday 01/11/1995

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  1. Class

    In my social problems class we are learning about both rape and domestic abuse. Both of which I've had to deal with personally. I was proud of myself when I didn't have problems talking about either topic. I guess i really am healing
  2. healing

    its been 7 months now and i'm proud to say that i'm healing. my boyfriend and i got intimate last night and i ended up with rug burn on both knees somehow. it looked alot like how my knees did after my SA. When i first say it this morning, i almost freaked out because it made me flash back to that night. I had to sit there for a minute and remind myself that nothing bad happened to me last night. I successfully got through a flashback without totally freaking myself out or getting withdrawn like usual
  3. finally

    I think i finally figured out what was holding me back, keeping me from opening up, from healing. It was my now ex boyfriend. I told him what happened to me and he didn't believe me, just got pissed that i had snuck out and was with guys. i told him for months leading up to our break up that i had no sex drive and he still tried to get me to do stuff. we'd end up in a fight if i didn't want to. now that we broke up(as of sunday) and I've stopped talking to him, my head is clear. Everything about our relationship was wrong and I stuck with it until it was killing me because we fought so much over him trying to change me into his whipped possession. Didn't want me going out with other guys, partying, drinking, always wanted to go through my phone and know who everyone was, always thought i was cheating on him. He didn't think he was being controlling, just called it trust issues. We'd always talk about our future like me moving in with him in a year and such. not happening. if i lived with him, hed only be able to control me even more. I've been talking to Andrew since my last break up with AJ back in September. Hes honestly the only guy i can trust, only guy i've ever been able to open up to
  4. Jellybear

    Sometimes I absolutely love my best friend Anjelica. She walked me home because she knew I wasn't feeling to good. Lately, since I've been thinking about my SAs, I've been alot easier to trigger. I've been having trouble being around guys even the ones I've known for 6 years which is why I havn't seen my boyfriend this week. When we walked home, there were these two older men standing on the side of the sidewalk. I pass by them every day I walk home but normally they are farther away on their property. She made sure to put herself between me and them. Then when we reached the homestretch to my neighborhood, there was a car just sitting on the side of the road. This would be normal on most roads except the street that connects our neighborhood with the previous is an ally which trips me out day or night. We walked on the opposite side of the road and as we passed the car, I could see that there was a driver in there. He was sitting low and watched as we passed. Normally I would have been a little creeped out but he looked like Gio. Anjelica didn't see him but she did see me kinda freak out and constantly look over my shoulder until we got through the gate into my neighborhood. She made me tell her who it was and when I told her it was Gio, she said "Can I go back and kick him please? I wanna kick his penis really hard and keep kicking it until it looks like a dead duck!" That image calmed me down and really made me laugh and feel a bit better
  5. andrew

    He asked how my day was today and I told him it was alright. He could tell that i was off and wanted to know why. I told him that i just had some stuff on my mind and he respected that saying i didn't have to if i didn't want to. I needed to tell someone though because it was really bugging me lately, triggers and nightmares included. I had to take a deep breath and mentioned that I had been raped multiple times in the past year. Andrew never asked for details which i'm glad, just if i had known the guys. He launched into protective mood saying he wanted to hurt them for hurting me which I appreciate and all but I'd rather not have him up against gang members. He kept talking about how if he had known me earlier, maybe none of that would have happened or he could of atleast been there for me. The past is the past though. The fact that he believed me and cared unlike my main man ment the world to me.