Goofy17

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About Goofy17

  • Birthday 03/14/1975

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  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  1. Did you go to the confrence in Iowa on Feb 10, 11, 12 th of this year? I was there, My first time??? Goofy17
  2. I oftern wonder if I hadden been abused if I would have been a different person today and the answer is yes, I am sure I wouldn't have the mental and learning disorders I have today. and fears and paranoia and have to be on medication that I am I and live on SSI and not be able to funcation and have had 23 yrs og therapy and see a psych doctor every 2 weeks and feel like killing my self and have prolomged PTSD and many others because of my abusers and have no friends and unstable short term relationships that always end up in the gutter. Yes I believe things would have been different, I also believe I wouldn't be gay! Goofy17
  3. :confused: So I make my own life shit all by myself. I think this all the time. I was mugged, last my best friend and was told that a lady employee illegally gained access to my psych history all in 1 week and that was just the 3 big things, not to mention all the little shit that piled up on top of the big stuff to make me think I was completely crazy and losing everything and planning on killing myself this late spring after I graduate college and have no furture and owe 35,000 in student loans and only have a certifate in college no degree and have all these mental disorders and collect SSI. No family that cares, have no friends, o wait one an ex she lives 1600 miles away and I only see her on her terms and that is like every 2 years or longer and I just saw her, so does that even count? I get you. My trust is gone for this world and the people in it. I believe in no GOD, use to , but after the shit I've been though fuck that shit, no damn way is there a freckin God. I'm in a Phil of religion class and it's all crap. Bullshit. No proof. Anyways I'm still going ahead with my palns this late spring after graduation. There's no hope for me, no future witht the disorders I have, no one will want a storm of me in there life. I get where your at. Take time, space think it out, maybe you'll come up with a plan. I use to prostitute myself, got raped and got out. the fucker held a gun to my head the whole time. I should have died that night. I had a daughter at the time, but not anymore, the county took her from me, I have felt like I live the book of JOB lots but I just give up, tried to kill myself 4 times and up it everytime with higher doeses of leathal pills each time. That shit is scarey. Write back if you want I'm not always on, but I'll try and take a look or go onto my site and write me a private note that's probaly the best way for me to comment back. Take care, best wishes, Goofy17
  4. I had many abusers, man and woman sexually abused me. I remember little flashes, flash backs, pictures. I talk to my therapist about them often, my therapist is often interested in them. She thinks it's important for me to talk about them. My mother knows about the abuse but no details, and has never said anything about it since I said it happend to me. I remember many things that happend to me more details than I care to remember, and the more I deal with it the more I remember. I have a lot of mental disorders and see a lot of professionals right now so I get help and I'm on meds too. Anyways if you need to talk write back, I not on much but write back. Take care, Goofy17
  5. psych records illegally accessed

    I FOUNND OUT THAT MY PSYCH RECORDS WERE ILEGALLLY ACCESSED AT MAYO CLINIC. THIS WOMAN WAS AN EMPLOYEE FOR 36YEARS AND ACCESSED 15 DIFFERENT PEOPLES RECORDS, MOST WERE EMPOLYEE'S. SHE ACCESSED MY RECORDS ONE DAY IN MARCH 2011, SHE PICKED 6 DATES THAT RANGED IN 1997,1998,2009, 2011-6 DIFFENERT PSYCH FILES. ON WAS MY FILE TALKING ABOUT MY SEXUAL ASSULT. IT TOOK MY 13YEARS, OR UNTIL LAST YEAR, JAN 2011 TO TELL SOMEONE BESIDES THE POLICE ABOUT THAT NIGHT, AND I FEEL VOILATED AL OVER AGAIN AND NO ONE TOUCHED ME THIS TIME. SHE WAS FIRED AFTER A 6 MONTH INVESTAGTION. I WAS NOTIFIED 4 MONTHS LATER OF THIS, AND OTHER VICTIMS ARE NOW JUST GETTING THEIR LETTERS TOO. MAYO CLINIC HAS BEEN GREAT IN THAT THEY HAVE BEEN WORKING WITH ME IN GIVING ME MOST OF THE INFORMATION I ASK FOR, EXCEPT FOR WHAT IS PRIVALIGED, EXCUSE MY SPELLING. THE DID GIVE ME HER NAME. I AM WORKING WITH THE LOCAL VICTIM SERVICES IN THE CITY. THERE'S JUST NOT MUCH WE CAN DO BECAUSE THIS WOMAN GAVE THE ANSWER OF "I DO NOT KNOW WHY I DO IT, I HAVE NO ANSWER FOR YOU". A CALL WAS TAKIN FROM MAYO CLINIC'S HOTLINE FROM SONEONE THAT THIS WOMAN WAS DOING THIS, SO WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT SHE DID WITH THIS INFORMATION. AGAIN I'VE BEEN VICITMIZED. I AM GRATEFUL THAT SOMEONE CAME FORWARD BUT IT VICTIMIZES US AGAIN BY NOT KNOWING WHAT HAPPEND AND WHAT THIS WOMAN DID WITH THE INFORMATION. WHO KNOWS WHAT SHE DID WITH IT OR WHERE IT WILL GO. SHE WAS ONLY FIRED LAST OCT 2011 AND SHE'S PROBABLY IN HER LATE 50'S TOOK A PENTION AND MOST LIKELY IS NOW RETIRED. NO LAWYER IN THIS STATE WILL TOUCH MAYO CLINIC, I AM NOT AFTER MAYO CLINIC I BELIEVE THEY DID THE RIGHT THING BY FIRING HER. I WANT MAYO'S HELP IN GOING AFTER HER. A CIVIL SUIT. I'M NOT EVEN AFTER THE MONEY. I WANT HER HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR HER ACTIONS, AND GETTING FIRED IS NOT ENOUGH IN MY BOOK. I WANT JUSTICE!!!!! I WANT HER TO GET THAT O'SHIT FEELING IN HER HEAD AND BODY. I WANT HER TO FEEL IT!!! I WANT HER TO PAY!!! I AM MAD AS HELL. I HAVE FEARED THIS MY WHOLE LIFE! AND TRUST IS MY BIGGEST ISSUE IN MY 23YEARS OF THERAPY AND THE PSYCH DOCTORS WONDER WHY I DO NOT SIGN RELEASES FOR MY THERAPIST OF 23 YEARS THIS IS FUCKIN WHY. BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE THIS. I FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT, SO WORTHLESS, AND WITH THE MENTAL DIRORDERS I HAVE THIS JUST MADE EVERYTHING WORSE, PLUS ON FEB 9TH ON WAS MUGGED IN THE AIRPORT ON MY WAY HOME FROM VACATION AND THE MUGGER GOT 500.00 WORTH OF PORPERTY AND IMPORTANT MEMORIES OF MY VACATION THAT I CAN NEVER GET BACK. I FEEL FUCKED OVER AND LIKE THINGS WILL NEVER END, I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP. I WANT THIS TO BE OVER WITH, WHEN WILL THIS STOP??? PLUS I'M A STUDENT AND AM UNDER SO MUCH PRESSURE AM SUPPOSE TO GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE IN MAY AND I JUST WANT TO CRAWEL IN A HOLE AND DISAPPEAR. I'VE ALREADY BEEN HOSPITALIZED ONCE BECAUSE I JUST COULDN'T HANDLE THE OVERWHELING FEELINGS AND THEY LET ME GO AFTER ONE DAY AND I WAS NOT READY TO GO. THEY JUST DID NOT UNDERSTAND. I GUESS I AM JUST VENTIONG AND LOOKING FOR ANYTHING THAT ANYONE CAN THINK OF IF THEY CAN HELP ME WITH ANYTHING INVOLVING ANYTHING IN THIS CASE. I AM SO CONFUSED ON THE LAW. THE LOCAL POLICE SAY THEY WILL NOT PRESS CHARGES BECAUSE THEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT SHE DID WITH THE INFORMATION... VICTIM SERVICES SAID WE NEED TO TALK TO THE STATE ATTN. GENERAL. AN OUR STATE ATTN. GENERAL TAKES A BACK DOOR TO THIS KIND OF THING AT THIS TIME. SHE SAID SHE'S CONTACT THE LOCAL FBI AND SEE IF THEY'D EVEN TRY AND INVESTAGATE IT, BUT SHE DIDN'T HOLD OUT MUCH HOPE. CAN ANYONE HELP ME AT ALL, DESPRATE AND ALONE.......? GOOFY17
  6. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: MISS YOU GOOFY17
  7. Your head is like mine when I'm MANIC. It never stops, but do you think the doctors can see that, NOPE. never. Hope it gets better for you, I feel your pain believe me I know the anxeity it can rule you. Goofy17
  8. I never got suppor tfrom my own mother either hun, she said you liked going to those babysitters, they abused me, so whatever that was the end of our conversation... Goofy17
  9. My mother totally refused to believe me when I told her I was abused by the babysitters she took mr to, she even said But you liked going to those babysitters, WAHTEVER! SO I feel your pain. SOrry your going through this. Goofy17
  10. Hunni :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: Miss you, Goofy17
  11. I don't know if your willing to tell me but I have SI all the time been dealing all my life since childhood. I could sure use a online group if you could recommend one, you could send me a message and let me know of one, sure could use a group. Goofy17 Thanks
  12. I am going through this myself right now there is a name for it it is called depersoanlaization look it up, its a disorder. I just got diagnoused with it. It makes totaly since too. The sysmptoms and all. look it up and let me now what you think, google it... Goofy17
  13. I'll try to hang in there if you do? Deal? Goofy17
  14. So on Nov 29 I had a serious O.D. and again I can not sleep. I have had sleep problems since the abuse age 5. I was in a MVA on Friday afternoon. and came home and sleep 14 hours straight through. My best friend wouldn't even come to pick me up from the ER her sister was here from out of state. Whatever. I hit my head and blood sugar was 88 not to low but I felt dizzy and blurred vision and when they got me in the ambulance they put me on the heart monitor and I an a fib rythum. Anyways I was in crital care for 3 hours had EKG, CTscan, IV meds and sent home no outcome. My car is toast. I have one friend here and it seems like she's sick of the drama and I gave her an out on in Nov but she said no I want to be your friend but now I do not know. I have my ex who live 2000miles away and we are friends at best. We talk everyday. And I have the professional but you can't really be friends with them. So I am alone. I have one brother who cares but doesn't really know me we just met and a young sister who I just met for the first time who doesn't know me who says she cares but everyone in my has always left so these people will leave to it's just a matter of time, I will wait and learn what I can from them and teach them what I can. I have no father and my mother is no better, she won't admite the abuse ever happend and doesn't understand mental illness. No many people do. I regret so much and believe in nothing. I don't believe in a future although I go on like there is one and want one. I am not suicidal today but the thoughts are with me, I try and tell them to go away and leave me alone and fill my brain with ohter things. I am so mad at my friend, h=who does that says they are your best friend and leaves you on critcal care to find your own way home. I ask for 15 minutes of her fuckin time. What a friend. I feel so alone, I just want to cry, I am so hurt, it hurts, I have nothing, completely nothing I have no idea why I go on, Tears falling now.........Gotta go now.... Goofy17
  15. This is the best story I could of heard today this pictures makes me smile and I do not smile so thank yo so much for sharing you made my day. I love your kid and her new kitty. I never got to have a pet when I was growing up and I was abused and I think it would of helped me cope better knowing that something cared or I had something to care about. This is so great. Let her keep the kitty and learn to love him with everything she has in her, your a great mom. I love you for just this reason, You made my x-mas. Goofy17