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About unicorn4

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    Cyrene :D
  • Birthday 03/03/1988

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    Photography, reading, writing, history, animals, nature.
  1. Dentists. Brushing my teeth (sometimes, not all the time), mostly because I don't like the toothpaste in my mouth...it makes me gag. Yelling. Name calling. My husband has this really bad habit of trying to sound mean and macho to the pets when he's mad at them (usually after he's been working out) and I find that incredibly triggering.
  2. This is a horrible and frustrating thing to be going through. I have a lot of nightmares too and it's something I've been looking into so I can sleep better at night (mine started when I stopped drinking about two years ago). I read a little while ago (I forget where) that you typically dream about what you were doing or what was on your mind shortly before sleeping. I've started reading comic books before bed Maybe reading or listening to pleasant music could help. I think that same article suggested playing ocean or nature sounds while sleeping too as a way to stop nightmares. Hope this helps and good luck!
  3. Well...I tried...

    It's been months since my husband and I had had sex, or really done anything sexual. He agreed to wait while I worked on some of my issues. He's done his best to be really understanding and give me the time I need to work on stuff but I know that it's really bothering him and every time we argue, it always comes up. Initially, we decided just to work on kissing. I've never really enjoyed kissing him and in the past that's been one of the ways I've bonded with the guys I had relationships with. So we tried to work on that. We were able to get it to a point where I didn't dislike it, but I didn't like it either. I just haven't been feeling anything when I kiss him even though I've really been trying. I don't know what the problem is there. About a month and a half ago, I decided things were just going too slowly so we decided to "fool around" a little bit. It was fun. Not as exciting and romantic as I'd hoped, but for the most part I enjoyed it. I only found it frustrating though because he didn't seem to be enjoying himself at all. So it felt like even if I was having fun, he wasn't, and anytime he had fun, I wasn't. But the other day, I decided to say screw and just have sex with him. It was so awful! It hurt so much I was holding back tears the whole time. I tried thinking good things, but I just couldn't enjoy it. It wasn't until I let the "bad thoughts" get in my head that I could physically enjoy myself enough to ignore the pain while he finished. I ended up hiding in the bathroom afterwords and cried. I just don't get it. I don't get why it hurts, but at least that's something I can go to the doctor for now that we have insurance. But I don't get why this isn't fun at all. I've had fun in the past with guys, so why can't I enjoy it with my husband? I'm just so fed up. I'm at a point now where I don't even want sex or anything sexual at all. I just want to be left alone in that regard, but it's not like I can tell him. He's been very understanding but that's just asking way too much. I already know that if I do that, he's going to leave. So now I'm just trying to decide if I'm okay with that. A part of me really wants to be on my own, but I also like the security of having him despite all our problems. I just have absolutely no clue where to go from here :/
  4. I don't know that I really have any ones that are too weird. But I don't like it when people stand in front of a light so all you can see is their silhouette. I don't like rough housing (and people never respect this). I don't like overly religious people or items that remind me of someone who's strongly Christian (I don't think he was, but his wife was and so their house was filled with that stuff). Dentists, and this one I've recently figured out after years of having no clue why :/ That's all I can think of right now.
  5. Can't I do stuff for me?

    Warning: Mild Swearing I'm so irritated with my husband right now. Everything I do for myself, he complains about and then turns around and says all the wonderful, supportive things he's supposed to say. He's now complaining because I have a ton of photoshoots on Saturday (I'm a photographer...what's he expect me to do with my Saturdays?) because we have work to do around the house. Tough. I've had these shoots planned for literally months. We'll have to work around it. I have a freaking business to run. But he acts like this is just a hobby and not something that I plan on eventually living off of. He's been the same way about my extra-curricular stuff. He tried so hard to get me to quit and I basically told him to shove it. So now he just gives me attitude about it. But he tells me it's okay for me to do this stuff! I get so frustrated with him. And now I'm working on writing a really awesome paper for my professor (I wrote a 124 page paper for him last semester in a MONTH but now I have the entire semester to beat that record) and my husband talks shit about it. This is something that is so important to me and that I love doing and he says he supports me and he's glad I'm doing things that I love, but he complains so much about it. Sometimes he outright tells me it's dumb/bad/irresponsible of me to do these things, other times he's just really negative so I take the hint. I can't freaking deal with his shit sometimes! I know I'm taking on a lot of projects and it COULD all be overwhelming, but it's all stuff I love to do so it really isn't. It only becomes overwhelming because I start getting anxious and frustrated because of his attitude. He's the reason I stress over this stuff but he uses the fact that I'm stressed as proof that I need to cut back. I think he's being totally unfair and I just really needed to vent because I honestly have no one I can talk to about this. I try talking to him but he just makes excuses and tells me I'm wrong.
  6. It's hard dealing with stuff right away. Sometimes our brains just need time to process what's happened before we're mentally at a place where we can be anything but numb. I actually found taking a psychology class was really useful in helping me accept why this whole thing has taken me so long to deal with (especially the stages of grief...denial and all that).
  7. Trust

    I'm finally at a point in my life where I have so many people that I could turn to if I needed help or support but I always find it difficult to really trust them enough to not look down on me for something. Even posting here, I always feel like people are just going to respond negatively to whatever I have to say or just ignore it. I'm not used to having people around who will actually be there for me in a supportive way and it's a little...confusing. Instead of being thankful that I have a place to go (here) where people will understand and accept me, I just expect everyone to still think of me as a freak. And instead of asking for help when I need it from people who care about me (my husband, his family, teachers at school, friends), I expect them to think I'm just overreacting and being a loser. Why can't I just accept that maybe there are people out there who legitimately think I don't suck?
  8. I don't know a lot on the subject since it's something I've never had an issue with (my thing was drinking), but you do make a really good point. If people are touting it as just a "temporary fix", it's likely something a lot of parents will ignore thinking that teens will grow out of the "phase" on their own. And then adults who may have problems with it are less likely to get help if they want/need it. Basically...saying untrue things like that is bad for everyone :/
  9. Thanks so much for the support. Hehe, I am one of those people that like extreme sports sometimes though
  10. Thanks Any response is good as far as I'm concerned.
  11. Memories

    I just joined this website a little over a month ago with only one vague memory of what happened and some really messed up feelings. Between reading the articles on the site and the forums, a lot of new memories have been showing up. It's what I wanted, so I can't complain from that respect, but it's also incredibly overwhelming. Just a few weeks ago I only had a small idea of what took place which caused me to completely doubt myself all the time and now I have a huge handful of memories and am very sure that I'm not completely nuts. I didn't expect it to happen this fast. A part of me is happy about it but another part of me is really frustrated. I haven't had much of an appetite. I've had to force myself to eat more often than not. My sleeping schedule is all out of whack and I spend most of my days struggling to focus and being angry and irritable all the time. I don't want it to stop, exactly. I don't even want it to slow down. I need these memories for things to get a little better. But I also need sanity. So I guess I just wanted to vent about how frustrating and difficult this has been :/ I'm really not sure how to deal with it.
  12. That's a horrible way for people to have treated you. It should have been looked into. You aren't wrong for reporting what happened and it certainly wasn't fair for people to treat you like that. I'm sorry that's what happened for you :/ You might want to consider blocking him from Facebook so he can't send you any more messages.