SorchaLuna

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About SorchaLuna

  • Rank
    Eleanor
  • Birthday 11/06/1988

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  1. That all my feelings and thoughts matter. I grew up being emotionally abused and now I've found myself..with the help of a therapist and Pandy's I am stronger than I ever imagined possible and acutely self aware. I am now free to think my own mind and although will always have those critical voices in my head I have learnt to distinguish them from my own. I am now applying for law school and to do an LLM in Human Rights. Thank you Pandys , you have strengthened me and act as a support network for myself and many others.
  2. This helped me.Goodnight x
  3. I'll give this a go, i can't sleep at all. have removed the kids section. SELF ESTEEM 1. I feel dirty, like there's something wrong with me. -- nearly always 2. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. -- yes 3. I feel ashamed. -- yes 4. I'm different from other people. -- always 5. I feel powerless. -- sometimes 6. If people really knew me, they'd leave. -- sometimes 7. I want to die. -- feel like it but no, don't actually want to 8. I want to kill myself. -- no 9. I hate myself. -- often 10. I have a hard time taking care of myself. -- yes 11. I don't deserve to be happy. -- often 12. I don't trust my intuition or my feelings. -- often 13. I'm often confused. -- always 14. I don't know how to set goals and follow through on them. -- sometimes 15. I'm scared of success. -- no 16. I'm a failure. I don't feel capable of doing a good job. -- no 17. I use work to make up for empty feelings inside. -- yes 18. I'm a perfectionist. -- yes 19. I've made up a lot of stories about my life. -- no but i worry i am a liar and don't realise it 20. I've done a lot of shoplifting. -- never MY FEELINGS 1. I don't think feelings are very important. -- I don't think MINE are 2. I usually don't know what I'm feeling. -- very often 3. I can't tell one feeling from another. -- very often 4. I only experience one or two emotions. -- never 5. I have a hard time expressing my feelings. -- yes 6. I have a hard time crying freely. -- yes, want to cry but can't, very numb 7. I cry all the time. -- no,all cried out it feels 8. I get uncomfortable when I feel too happy. -- yes 9. I get nervous when things are relaxed and calm. -- sometimes 10. I feel enraged a lot of the time. -- often 11. I'm rarely angry. Anger scares me. -- very often angry 12. I get depressed a lot. -- yes, had severe depression for couple of years 13. I have a lot of nightmares. -- usually 14. I have panic attacks. -- very often 15. If I really let myself go, my feelings would be out of control. -- yes 16. I've been violent. -- never 17. I haven't been violent yet, but I'm worried I might be. -- never MY BODY 1. I'm not "in my body" a lot of the time. -- very often 2. I frequently space out. -- nearly always 3. My body often feels numb. -- sometimes 4. I feel as if my body is separate from the rest of me. -- always 5. I don't pay too much attention to my body's signals (hunger, tiredness, pain). -- usually 6. I think my body is ugly. -- always 7. I hide my body. -- always 8. I'm dyslexic. I had learning disabilities when I was growing up. -- never 9. I use drugs or alcohol more than I think I should. -- never 10. I often eat compulsively. -- yes 11. I keep myself from eating, or eat and throw up. -- yes 12. I hurt myself on purpose (cut, burn or injure myself) -- sometimes 13. I have illnesses I think are related to my abuse. -- don't think so 14. I've worked out to make my body strong so I wouldn't feel like a victim. -- always 15. I've had flashbacks of the abuse during surgery or other medical procedures. -- no, not had any 16. I'm scared to go to the dentist. I hate the feeling of things in my mouth. -- no 17. (For women) I'm scared to go to the gynecologist. -- yes, don't go INTIMACY 1. I often feel alienated from other people, as if I'm from another planet. -- always 2. Most of my relationships just don't work. -- sometimes 3. I don't have many friends. -- always 4. I'm okay with my friends, but I just can't work things out with a lover. -- often 5. I think I'm really meant to be alone. -- yes 6. I'm not sure I deserve to be loved. -- always 7. I don't know what love is. -- no 8. I find it hard to trust people. -- always 9. I think people are going to leave me. -- often 10. I test people a lot. -- sometimes 11. It's hard for me to be nurtured or to nurture someone else. -- sometimes 12. I'm clingy with people I'm close to. I'm afraid to be alone. -- no 13. I'm scared of making commitment. When people get too close, I panic. -- yes 14. I have a hard time saying no. -- often 15. People take advantage of me in relationships. -- no 16. I get involved with people who are inappropriate or inaccessible. -- no 17. I've had relationships with people who remind me of my abuser. -- no 18. I'm struggling a lot with my partner. -- don't have one 19. Sometimes I think my partner is my abuser. -- n/a 20. Sexual abuse is really creating problems in my relationship. -- yes - got a boyfriend but not serious yet SEXUALITY 1. I avoid sex. Deep down, I wish I never had to deal with sex again. -- yes 2. I am celibate. I haven't had sex in years. -- only had sex once with the perpetrator and then raped next morning 3. I really think sex is disgusting. -- often 4. I don't feel sexual desire. I think there's something basically wrong with it. -- no 5. Sex isn't pleasurable for me. I usually have sex to make the other person happy. -- no 6. I try to use sex to meet most of my needs. -- no 7. It really feels like I'm "oversexed" -- no 8. Sex and aggression are really connected for me. -- no 9. I find it hard to be close in nonsexual ways. It just isn't satisfying. -- no 10. I frequently go after sex I really don't want. -- no 11. Sex is the thing I'm best at. -- no 12. I've sold myself for sex. -- no 13. I've had sex with people who don't respect me. -- no 14. I need to control everything about sex. -- yes 15. I have a hard time staying present when I make love. I'm numb a lot during lovemaking. -- yes 16. When I am sexual, I have terrifying, scary feelings I don't understand. -- no 17. I often have flashbacks of my abuse while making love. -- n/a 18. I get sexually aroused when I read or talk about sexual abuse. -- no 19. Violent, sadistic fantasies turn me on. -- never 20. I'm ashamed of my sexuality. -- no 21. I've sexually abused others. -- never MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN 1. I have strained relationships with my family. -- not with parents but yes to all other members 2. Members of my family have rejected me (or vice versa) -- sometimes 3. I have a hard time setting limits with my family. -- yes 4. People in my family invalidate my feelings and experiences. -- yes 5. I feel crazy when I'm around my family. -- sometimes 6. I can't be honest with the people in my family. -- always 7. My abuse is still a secret in my family. -- always 8. I'm waiting for people in my family to come around and support me. -- never -- it just won't happen If many of the statements on this list were familiar to you, you may feel overwhelmed right now. Put the purpose of this assessment is not to overwhelm you; it's to show you that there's a reason why you experience the things you do. It's to point out the areas that need healing. It is possible to dramatically alter your life so that your answers two years from now will bear little resemblance to your answers today. 1. When I look over my responses, I feel... -- very sad, still very raw 2. I've been most strongly affected in the areas of... -- self esteem 3. I was least affected in the areas of... -- body image - might seem odd but having hated my body all my life I like to think i can't have been looking too bad that night - sounds shallow but maybe thats a twisted positive..ughh am just clutching at straws, i sound pathetic 4. The hardest statements for me to acknowledge were... -- he had control of me 5. I feel the most hopeful about making changes in... my self esteem 6. I already made major strides in the following areas... too early, only admitted to it in last 24 hours 7. I feel the most hopeless about changing... my feelings of being fundamentally different from other people - loneliness 8. I was surprised by... my honesty, am proud of that, think have demonstrated notable bravery today 9. I learned... that I am stronger than i thought possible