Windfox

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    336
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About Windfox

  • Rank
    Kind, crazy, and a little derpy
  • Birthday 09/30/1987

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Transgender
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Location
    NE Wisonsin
  1. Changes round 2

    So more upsetting changes. I need to find a new job asap My best friends are moving in together An old friend & coworker is getting married Another friend is getting gender surgery I realized I suck at dealing with life changes, any time reality comes into my nice little bubble I start to freak & break down. This time it's bad, SI & SU thoughts, but I now know what's going on so it's a little better, and I can't go to the wedding for a really good reason so that is even better. But life is still very scary all of a sudden.
  2. Changes round 2

    So more upsetting changes. I need to find a new job asap My best friends are moving in together An old friend & coworker is getting married Another friend is getting gender surgery I realized I suck at dealing with life changes, any time reality comes into my nice little bubble I start to freak & break down. This time it's bad, SI & SU thoughts, but I now know what's going on so it's a little better, and I can't go to the wedding for a really good reason so that is even better. But life is still very scary all of a sudden.
  3. Sudden Changes rant

    So life once again is getting crazy for me. This weekend was naturally crazy with many hours of activity on less sleep & several bits that have changed things rather suddenly I found out this weekend my boyfriend's parents are finally splitting -it's only been a matter of time for a while-. It is good since I hate what his dad has put my bf & his mom through. But it makes things very stressful since it alters living arrangements, they have to downsize to a smaller place -like a single bedroom place- without dad's retirement money which my boyfriend's moving out that much more urgent. This is a problem since my boyfriend is still paying off a few loans & lacks the money needed to start paying on an apartment within the next few months and I'm nowhere near able to financially support a move either -I haven't even scratched the surface on my debt-. The only bright spot in this is how I handled the situation, I was properly supportive & helpful. I say this because it was a very similar situation that was what ended up breaking up me & my previous fiance nearly 6 years ago, I kept avoiding the subject in that situation & we broke up within a few days. Change number 2 concerns my 2 best friends. The three of us have had a standing rule never to date or sleep with the others, it's a rule that has allowed us to get very close & talk shop on some very intimate details & difficult subjects -we are all Transgender (me going male to female mtf and then they are an mtf & an ftm) and I've mentored the 2 of them in that area, you lose a lot of shyness working through gender issues, it's about as bad as working in medicine or psychiatry but with plenty of both when shop talk comes up-, not an issue for me since I was paired off before I met them. But it seems they have been dating and told me so Sunday night. Now the two of them seem to work reasonably well together, but I'm still cautious. I told them flat out that I would be avoiding both of them for a while if it came to a break up. One of them previously dated another mutual friend & when that ended I wound up in the middle as a mediator which put a lot of stress on me. The other odd bit is that both of them are starting hormone therapy fairly soon which plays merry heck with moods and has me slightly concerned. And the final bits came last night. First someone -that I reasonably trust & is aware of my survivor status- decided to sneak up on me, which is marginally ok when I'm happy -I was a tad germophobe twitchy thanks to a disgusting conversation I overheard, but not bad-, but he put is his hands on my kidney area which surprised me -I nearly mule kicked him out of reflex- and wound up triggering me later on -I let him & know & he apologized and all is good-, but it was sufficiently bad that I woke up in no touch mode -it kinda bothered a coworker who wanted to hug me (she is a program participant so that kind of stuff happens once in a while) but I just froze up & backed up out of it with no words then an excuse about a bad day with the elections today (I hate politics right now)- & decently rested on less than 4 hours sleep. And then my best friends told me they were taking a drama break from the group. That I get, mostly drama flies right over me but it gets me when people I like start leaving over it. I'm going with them even though I have other friends at the group, those two are the only ones I talk to anymore. But still this regular routine that has been going for over a year is being disrupted and I'm kinda messed up on that. So basically I had a bunch happen to friends & one thing happen to me over the weekend which impacts me in some fairly direct ways just when I was getting to a stable space again.