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About ciara1123

  • Birthday 05/25/1996

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  1. Struggling...

    I SI to try and relieve the pain in some other way. I haven't SI'd in 3 months, but I can't help but think back to the last time. I sat there crying.. Full of anger and a broken heart. I have relapsed back to SI 4 times, but I don't want it to happen again. As I sit here and the more and more it won't get out of my head. With everyday that passes by it doesn't get better, it just seems to be getting worse. I try not to think about all the loss and all the suffering I have been through, but it always finds a way to creep into my main thought. When I sit here and look at my scars I see them as me breaking and not being strong. I see them as my being weak. How could I sink so low.. but then I think of why they are there. When I think this I see my scars as how much pain I have been through. I don't want to relapse again, I don't want to break. I try my best each and everyday to find other ways to help myself. Therapy: Doesn't help, it's nice to have someone listen, but then I leeave and feel the abandonment and the pain... I have asked my mom if she thinks having me admitted into a hospital will help. She doesn't know how to answer. She doesn't want to have me locked up, she knows I wouldn't last in there. She says that my thoughts will get worse if i'm stuck there. So all my thoughts go back to the pain, abandonment, and suffering... , Ciara Dawn<3
  2. So Hard:

    It's so hard to trust All because I have been crushed It's so hard to sleep All because that creep It's so hard to speak All because my eyes leak It's so hard to close my eyes All because the lies It's so hard to be strong All because it feels so wrong By: Ciara Dawn<3 It's hard for me to trust people after everything i've been through. It's so hard to say what has happened because I cry everytime i try to speak. I can't sleep because I have nightmares all the time about what happened, and all the lies that have been told. It's so hard for me to be strong because I just want to break down and cry every minute of every day because of everything that I have been through.
  3. More Than Just Me:

    You chose to leave and not come back I know this for a fact How am I suppose to feel I hoped that this wasn't real For nine years her life has been a lie And all you had to say was "goodbye" You said she looked exactly like me But how could this be Oh yeah that's right All because a night of spite Well I hope you're happy But now I know, there's more than just me By: Ciara Dawn<3 I wrote this poem because after everything I found out I had a sister. My father chose not to see his other daughter again instead of having his name in the newspaper. I have always wanted a sister but until she is 18 I can have no contact with her. Thanks to my slefish father.
  4. Reality:

    You sit there "dying" As I Lay here crying It seems as though you don't care The pain is almost to much to bare You took away my innosence, and now All I ask is.. How You think this will all go away Guess what, I have even more to say Four years you took from me Four years that will never be You took my time, My turn Now, I hope you burn By: Ciara Dawn<3