soul_leaves

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About soul_leaves

  • Birthday December 18

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  1. When life gives you lemons, you paint that shit gold!! You can do it! you can forgive when you're ready, and you can breathe and you can be strong. you can let go of your mistaks, breathe in and breathe out and tell yourself that you are a good person, you are loved, you are worth and you are one of the millions of wonderful imperfect people on this planet who makes mistakes. You are wonderful!!
  2. I am here for you!! My parents have always acted like that when I really needed them too. They aways yelledat me for crying. I am here for you and it is more than okay to cry! Crying is wonderful! No one should supress your feelings.
  3. I love this. amazing.
  4. WHY

    why does everyone hate me? I don't know what to do! I am crumbling down and no one care. I need a hug and a friend. Doesn't everyone? Maybe I'm just too pathetic, I'm not part of the real world, I'm a loser. Can anyone help me?
  5. Chat help

    How do we find out who moderators are? I want to join the chat room but I don't know who to e-mail to get that access? Thank you for your help!!
  6. Alone

    I have so much confusion. I don't know what to do. I can't seem to get along with my life. I can't seem to fix my life. Everything that is difficult that poos up causes a panic attack. I don't have good coping skills, I don't have any friends. I don't have people to hang out with, to call to go out to eat with. I don't have supports. I live with judgement everyday, I live with judgemental people. I just want a friend to talk to. I hate being so alone, I fantasize about having friends and an upbeat life like everyone I see on TV. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out and just scream and scream and cry. Help me, I need a friend. I need something to look forward to.
  7. Alone

    I have so much confusion. I don't know what to do. I can't seem to get along with my life. I can't seem to fix my life. Everything that is difficult that poos up causes a panic attack. I don't have good coping skills, I don't have any friends. I don't have people to hang out with, to call to go out to eat with. I don't have supports. I live with judgement everyday, I live with judgemental people. I just want a friend to talk to. I hate being so alone, I fantasize about having friends and an upbeat life like everyone I see on TV. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out and just scream and scream and cry. Help me, I need a friend. I need something to look forward to.
  8. Alone

    I have so much confusion. I don't know what to do. I can't seem to get along with my life. I can't seem to fix my life. Everything that is difficult that poos up causes a panic attack. I don't have good coping skills, I don't have any friends. I don't have people to hang out with, to call to go out to eat with. I don't have supports. I live with judgement everyday, I live with judgemental people. I just want a friend to talk to. I hate being so alone, I fantasize about having friends and an upbeat life like everyone I see on TV. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out and just scream and scream and cry. Help me, I need a friend. I need something to look forward to.
  9. Alone

    I have so much confusion. I don't know what to do. I can't seem to get along with my life. I can't seem to fix my life. Everything that is difficult that poos up causes a panic attack. I don't have good coping skills, I don't have any friends. I don't have people to hang out with, to call to go out to eat with. I don't have supports. I live with judgement everyday, I live with judgemental people. I just want a friend to talk to. I hate being so alone, I fantasize about having friends and an upbeat life like everyone I see on TV. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out and just scream and scream and cry. Help me, I need a friend. I need something to look forward to.
  10. Take care of yourself. get a warm blanket. this to will pass. I know what you mean about paranoia. I feel that all the time, when I'm home alone I get this overwhelming feeling like something bad will happen. I hope you can find a way to overcome it, I'm here for you.
  11. I know It is coming

    Last night I had a break down. I joined this site yesterday and I worked in my healing book for a while, I felt like I spent the whole day thinking about abuse and I got really overwhelmed. it was too much. I had about 5 glasses of wine and was staring to feel better and then it all came down, I started talking to my boyfriend, D, and I started just telling him everything. I started just spilling whatever I could remember about all the scared nights I spent hiding in my closet even when I was 17 years old. I started just spilling out whatever I could remember....afterwards I just felt so dirty and ashamed that I had told him about all that stuff. I know that he is supportive and cares a lot and I know that he is a safe person to tell, but I just couldn't help but feel this overwhelming guilt and shame after I told him.... and then I fell back into an old pattern that made me even more digusted with myself.... I tried to have sex with him. I wanted to appear sexy again and not like a disgusting child who just spilled out all these aweful stories... he wouldn't have sex with me which made me feel even worse. He just said that he wanted me to have sex with him only if I really wanted to and not because I felt like I had to for whatever reason. But then about an hour later I had sex with him anyway. afterwards I just felt dirty and wrong, like I shouldn't have done it at all.... telling all my secrets last night just made me feel aweful...even though I trust D with my whole soul, I just felt so disgusting.... a lot of the time I don't know how to feel like I'm not some gross and disgusting creature... I feel shame everyday, all the time.... and I'm not sure if me trying to heal from it is actually making it worse or jsut reinforcing my feelings..... someone please help me....
  12. to all of you, thank you. Your non judging attitudes are so overwhelmingly wonderful. I feel that I have been judged my whole life and hurt, and when I try to heal it hurts too. My friends don't understand me or what I'm going through all the time... the people here do. Thank you so much for the support and acceptance, you are all truely wonderful people.
  13. Thank you so much, your words actually moved me to tears. I've been able to take some deep breaths for the first time here. I feel like I'm moving towards healing here. Thank you, thank you.
  14. i agree completely. I feel like all my friends talk about their wonderful childhood memories all the time and i can't relate.... I get jealous and bitter about not having a childhood. Thank you for your thoughts!
  15. why?

    I know that I need advice. When I was growing up I was always forced to hide my emotions, and my emotions were belittled. I feel that there is just so much, too much. it's all comming down on my head. this past year I have been having anxiety and panic attacks. I've also started talking like a small child when i'm at home, it helps me feel safe. I know that sounds twisted but I don't know why it makes me feel better and because it makes me feel better I can't stop. someone help.