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About perhapsapoet

  • Birthday March 25

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    reading, writing, art, music, dogs, observing, exploring, listening

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  1. Amethyst- Oh, how powerful, heartbreaking, and moving this was to read. You are a brave, strong, competent woman, and your pain- your struggles and your grief- do not discount this. It is okay to hurt. It is okay to be less than okay. I know it is so much easier for me to say it than for you to emotionally believe it, but I hope that at some point you are able to give yourself permission to hurt. Thank you for penning your situation, because it brings clarity and strength to others such as myself. Thinking of you always and sending hugs, Perhapsapoet
  2. Thank you, Marlee!
  3. I loved this very, very much. I used part of the note in a small sketch/painting I just made (which hopefully is okay):
  4. This community of sexual trauma survivors taught me that there is a community of sexual trauma survivors. I feel stronger and safer knowing that we can heal together. Sincerely, Perhapsapoet
  5. Oh, my darling Butterfly. You are taking such tremendous steps within yourself, and the pain of doing so is a heavy burden to bear. Just the way dear K is a little bear, you were too. A precious little bear who deserved LOVE and RESPECT. It hurts my heart in a deep way to know that this happened to a beautiful small you. I wish I could scoop her up in my arms and hold her- soothe her, just the way you described. Keep on thinking of that soothing. Eventually, you will be able to turn that towards yourself. Until then (and for long after) I will help. In my heart, I am holding that baby girl and rocking her back and forth for hours and hours and hours. If Bethie (or which ever little one in question) is listening: You are so brave, sweetheart. You are so much more than what they are showing you. And I will never let you go, do you hear me? I will always stand by you and love you. I see a light in your eyes that makes the world a better place. Sending love and comfort to you all. Blankets, and cups of tea, and flowers, and hugs. Hundreds and hundreds of hugs. Take good care of all your precious selves. Love, Perhapsapoet and the Littles
  6. How very confusing and miserable. It is not selfish for you to take care of yourself, and it sounds like this friend is not who you need in your life right now. It sounds like you are both feeling hurt and angry, so taking a break or letting the relationship fade naturally could be beneficial for both of you. In any case, the whole thing sounds conflicting and scary and unpleasant and painful. I am so sorry that you are going through it. Also, you are not incapable of having healthy friendships even though I am sure it feels like it. You may not have the friendships you want now, but you'll get there. I promise. Taking care of yourself will help you be a better friend for others, and as you get more practice and figure out what works and what doesn't, it will get easier. Plus you are an amazing, caring, fantastic person. I am not just saying that to say it. I'm saying it because it's TRUE. I am sending positive thoughts and hugs. You are not alone. :hug: -Perhaps
  7. Dreamgirl, this is a huge, huge step in your process. I am SO proud of you. You are incredibly brave. Naming what happened for what it was is extremely difficult, and you did it; you're doing it. Your therapist sounds like he knows what he's doing, and like he can be a good support for you while you journey to the dark places. You ARE an incredible, positive, talented, strong woman. And I know that it's his voice your hear in your mind, but his voice isn't really about you. It's about him and what he thinks, not what you are in reality. The lens through which he viewed you was warped, and that is the lens you are looking through when you see yourself negatively. Someone once told me to think about it this way: How did you feel/think about yourself before being told you were "(insert negative stuff your ex said to you here)"? Supposing you haven't always grown up being spoken to negatively (which may have been the case, and if it is, this exercise might not be very helpful), you probably didn't call yourself all these terrible things before someone else taught you that's what you were. If you really were all the negative things he called you, those things would have been in your mind and heart long before having met your ex. The badness and the shame and the pain wasn't emanating from within you; it was emanating from him. I don't know if I explained myself very well, but hopefully that helped, somehow. Also, dreamgirl, I am so sorry that you are hurting. I am sorry that this word-I-won't-say taught you to feel this way about yourself, because you are such a kind, strong, brave, unique, wonderful person. PA wouldn't be the same without you. One day, you will feel OK. His voice will slowly have less and less power even though it feels so huge right now. I promise, you will get there. Much love to you, and many hugs as well, if OK. -Perhaps
  8. I am so sorry you're feeling lonely. And no need to apologize for rambling; rambling is a way to think things through and that is A-OK. Good luck finding a job. :hug: , Perhaps
  9. I wish I had some wise words to share, but all I have is: (if OK). -Perhapsapoet
  10. :hug:
  11. Thank you two very much for the resplies! Marlee: Thank you very much for the thread link. That's exactly the kind of thing I was looking for. Kate: I completely understand. Just having the thread is a great comfort! Thanks for the in-depth response! Thanks, guys! Perhaps
  12. Hi. So, I was wondering if there was a corner of Pandora's Aquarium specifically for girls/women who have been abused by girls/women? I've been looking around to see if there is one but so far no luck. If there isn't such a corner in existence, I would like to assert that I really feel there should be! It is quite challenging to find resources on this particular type of abuse. I hope this is the right place to be posting this. Thanks for reading, and sorry if I'm overlooking something obvious. Perhaps