phoenix8

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About phoenix8

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  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  1. Thank you Jes, for saying what I've been feeling- Anytime I've mentioned being raped by my father to anyone, I get a response as if I said I had broken my arm or something similarly insignificant. For the amount of pain and horror that i went through, and am still going through, i hear things like: well that was a long time ago, or you need to move forward and focus on what you are doing now. To my recent therapist, I told her I would have rather been through the holocaust than grown up in my family, and her only response is to tell me that there are plenty of people who have been through just as bad or worse, which is (doubtful for one), and not to mention I need this pain to be acknowledged and dealt with, not minimized. It was as if the the sky turned black and the ground opened up to the fiery pits of hell and this evil monster is there and has total control over me. Its not even human. Its the most terrifying thing I could ever imagine, and it took me thirty years to even acknowledge it as real. And i desperately need someone to understand. I need a therapist who specializes in this kind of stuff, not someone who says that there are plenty of people who have had it just as bad or worse. That's not a helpful comment at all. I have no idea why people have this compelling urge to minimize this kind of thing, as if it can be healed by being ignored, but I ignored it for decades. I built walls around it so I would never know the truth, I numbed the pain with heroin for years. And I so desperately need some real help from someone who knows the truth of how painful this stuff really is. But I cant seem to find that person anywhere, and I dont want to burden friends with my problems. Most of them cant relate anyway. I feel so completely alone in this incredibly painful dungeon of emptiness. I really need a good therapist, and I dont have one. I really want to get over this but I cant do it all on my own. If anyone knows a good therapist near albany new york, please let me know.