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About TinkeeTeapot

  • Birthday 09/09/1991

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  1. Today I'm lost

    I had a funny dream last night. And it's hard to explain.. It started off where the aliens were coming to make a show. They were falling from the sky like stars. They landed on the hill. The movie they were showing where in the clouds like a bull. It's not the first time they have appeared in my dream. I got a slice of cake and lay on the grass ready to watch the show. It was raining. and i could feel the drops on my face as they fell. like god was crying. There was a scared feeling i had subcontiously. and that made it a bad dream. Someone told me i have to pay for the show. otherwise the alien police will come and probe me. The alien police came but they were disguised as humans ... there vehicles where baby prams. One female police officer. I remeber her face she had long brown hair and was very pretty. She sat down on a stool in the kitchen and my laptop was on pandy's. She read my story. And i felt a sense of insecurtiy and fear. She looked at me and reached for her statement notepad. I had a panick attack. I woke up What does this mean??
  2. Doctors Part Two :)

    I have come along way scince this morning. I went to the doctors and founf out that i am 3 weeks pregnant... which is great news. Because it means that it is not HIS afterall. Me and my partner are so excited!!!! We call it our 'Peanut'. I wish you were here to hold me hunny. I am still nervous when me and my partner do it but he is helping me and we are going at my own pace. I was taking the pill when he came from australia to see me. But i missed 3 pills * OOPS * I love you and thanks for making me understand you'll never be angry with me ...
  3. Doctors today :(

    Well. Today i find out if i am pregnant again from my last attack. I am nervous I have had to cope with my other two children being so close together... I feel i can't cope if i have another reminder of christmas day. It is a decision i have to make. And although my Partner has talked things through i didn't feel much support. Another hour to wait to see if he has taken a hold of my life once again. T_T
  4. A sigh

    Today i told him everything. We webcam all the time and though things have been discussed before, i felt it was eating away at me still. I wrote down everything from the begining and told him everything. I felt emotionless as i did and i could not cry, although i was screaming inside. Sometimes i hate her. My daughter that is. It's not her fault. I love her and would never hurt her. It's hard to cope. When she is screaming at you and you can't comfort her. I'm not depressed i'm just really really sad. Every day things effect me. Like washing the dishes. I'm scared he's going to grab me again.. thats why they tend to pile up on the worktop. It's been ages scince i last seen him, And i'm glad i got away. He still messages me demanding to see the kids. I do not reply and intend not to. I'm scared of the dark. I sleep with the light on. I get bad dreams.. nightmares and night terrors. I use this method to define how bad the dream was. Flashbacks are hard. I freeze. And remember. He hasn't only ruined my life he has ruined my partners and my kids ... the realationship between me and my kids. I'm not sure if this is making sense... But it's making me feel better i think The world used to stop. And to be honest it still does when i remember. I havn't told my mum. i dearn't. when she gets drunk she will point the finger again and blame me. My partner knows and my best friend knows that i was sexually abused. But not all. Only me and him know the whole story. But sometimes i feel ... like i'm over reacting... or maybe it was different to what i remember. Maybe he was right i did deserve. Is there anyone out there who feels or has felt the same?