Amaranth

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About Amaranth

  • Rank
    Emilie

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Location
    Australia
  1. It is important to believe in your own self, and your own power. Of course what kind of life we live shapes who we are, but what happened to you is not a part of the life you are living. There's a big difference between experiences and living - experiences is what we see along the way, like trees alongside a path.. A branch might fall in the way or leaves may drop on our head and leave a scratch, but that heals and we move on - the fallen branch doesn't become, and isn't a part of our life. We may think about it and feel the pain it left, but pain always fades, and it's always such a small thing compared to everything else in our life. And living is the path that we are walking on, different destinations, different obstacles and different experiences, but it's what we feel and what we have in our life now is whats important. Those dropping branches and leaves are gone now, and the path you are on is smoother, stable and surround by your family's love and laughter. Sex is very hard to cope with, but I am the same, some nights I'm crazy about it and then other nights I don't want him near me. Sex is all about mood, it's a trigger and a relief. But because of the emotions we are dealing with, it just exaggerates those moods, just the same as not wanting to leave the house that day because you feel ugly. But because sex is such a major part of our lives, and it feels so important, we notice the emotions towards it more. I'm sure if you think about it, you get the same mood changes towards other things that are a part of your daily life. I hope I'm helping, and I hope I don't seem like a know it all
  2. You should travel, go somewhere different and amazing! A change of environment does wonders. I have cut out alot of people lately, too many people being negative towards me and not believing in what I want to do. You don't need people like that. Ugh, pushy people suck! get rid of them!
  3. This is how I feel better

    I want this to be a space for everyone to share their words of poetry or prose, or anything that flows naturally. I turned to writing poetry and it makes me feel like I have something special, because something like that is hard to find when you've been abused. Here is one of mine. Poison and Pain One slice at a time.. As my blood ran out in an act of pain, The poison of addiction deviously seeped in. The scars still haunt and mock me, And the memories are stained with the most addictive blood.. Cutting doesn't damage me anymore, I have run out of blood to bleed. The blood stains now lurk in the pits of my mind, And poisons my thoughts as new pain arises. Then, the pain comes. Who causes this pain? You. You give me pain. There is no need for me to make my own pain, You do the deed for me. Your words, your actions, Your soul, your identity, Your everything. Without a care or notice you damage me with who you are. The worst part is, I feel addicted to this poison you selfishly feed me. I ignore your thoughtless words, But I see the poison. I want to taste it, I want to taste you. "Give in, take the poison, surrender to the beauty of addiction", You subliminally say. I see you smile, But I know it is a most devious grin.. I give in, and come back to you. "Let me drink you", I beg. You cannot see this poison you feed me, You are blindfolded by selfishness and dominance. I see your beauty, I know it to be there.. But this beauty is a mask, That I deny I can see past. I hide the pain of the poison I receive from you, This secret is mine. Not a soul can see this poison, This pain, And how it's beauty and ugliness affects me. It is beautiful, but then it is ugly. This poison is not merciful, I find it ugly in it's beauty, But beautiful in it's ugliness. I step back, But I step forward twice. I clench my head in frustration, And pray it's a phase. But when is an addiction ever a phase? It captivates you. It takes over your thoughts, And you give your all to please it. When you're not there, I crave for you. When you are there, I pray for mercy. Watch me as I slowly go insane..