I feel as though I've fallen apart entirely. Well, technically, I fell apart two years ago following my rape. Before the assault occured, I had a sense of cleanliness...of purity. I felt wholesome and whole, untouched. I was admittedly proud to be a virgin when all of my friends had lost theirs. I was waiting for someone wonderful to come along with whom I could share this gift. But rape ruined it. HE ruined it. It kills me because the guy KNEW I was a virgin. But he had no problem taking it from me while I was drinking. When I think about what he did- how he violated every place, damaged me on a sexual level, and caused me physical pain, I don't know how I can declare myself a "symbolic virgin." A symbolic virgin, in my opinion, is a person who may not be physically intact, but still had yet to have a true first sexual experience. That wasn't sex. That was nothingness, self centeredness, cruelty. I don't know how to escape this feeling of being flawed or corrupt on a physical level. Can the damage be undone? What do I do from here? Feeling so broken and ruptured. So confused.