okay so I'm new to this whole blogging thing.. but here goes. I saw a commercial for this site on tv one night and it really caught my attention. I was raped and I really feel like its something I have to keep inside and hide. It happened 2 years ago. I was at a party and a guy pulled me into a room. He held me held me down and threatened me.. when it was over he left and went back to the party like nothing happened..I didnt really know what to do or how to handle it.. I just left. I didnt tell anyone. There is only one other person that knows what happened. I feel like by telling people it will give them a different view of who I am. I feel like they will blame me and somehow convince me it was my fault or that I shouldnt have been so stupid. What makes it worse is that it wasnt a stranger.. I knew him. I still know him. I see him around and I just want to ask him why he did this to me? What is wrong with him? I go back and forth between blaming myself and blaming him but latly I blame me. I want to move on and try to better myself by accepting what happened and growing. I want to help myself and others. I want to be happy.
This makes me feel better about speaking out and talking about my rape. I have a hard time talking about it with people mostly because I feel like they will blame me. Like I shouldn't have been there, or I should have been more aware, or I should have fought back. Maybe they are right but no one asks for this. I deserve to heal. Rape is rape no matter how, where, or when it happens. Thank you so much.