3Painz4eva

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About 3Painz4eva

  • Birthday 06/18/1993

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Location
    Harrisburg, Pa
  • Interests
    Acting Singing, dancing, Horse Back Riding, writing, producing plays, swimming
  1. Thanks for reading
  2. Every two minutes someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted. It’s a silent crime because 60% of all victims will never report what happen to them. Who could blame them? With 15 out of 16 of all rapist never spending a day behind bars, it would seem that the court system has failed to provide justice to the one who need it most; the survivors of this heinous crime. The Encyclopedia for Rape is quoted saying, “In real life, rape victims are brutalized, ignored, and harassed by the system that is designed to help them. They are traumatized stigmatized or shamed for life if they are not killed during the attack.” Where did the court go wrong? In the court of law Rape is the only crime where a victim has to prove his or her innocence. The defendant meanwhile has the right to sit in court during the whole trial and not say a word. There are still lawyers who argue that women can take steps to prevent a rape from happening but that’s simply not true. Judges are there to be an impartial 3rd party and to hear the case but how impartial can you be when there’s one person on one side saying that he raped me and the other person saying she’s a liar? In the end you’re going to have to take sides with someone and hope for the best. Even the cops often say “Are you sure you didn’t send mix signals?” As if it’s the victims fault for being raped. Why is there victim blaming in the first place? Victim blaming is defined as holding the victims responsible for what happened to him or her. The safe campus project has this to say “One way in which victim blaming is perpetuated is through rape myths. Rape myths allow us to blame the victim and are often common false beliefs." Perhaps we can't see the victim as innocent, because by so doing we would have to admit that similar things might happen even to us. We blame the victim in order to feel more in control. Even tho there has been 60% less rapes since 19993, the courts and society have a long way to go to give justice to these survivors"
  3. Rape and the court system

    Every two minutes someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted. It’s a silent crime because 60% of all victims will never report what happen to them. Who could blame them? With 15 out of 16 of all rapist never spending a day behind bars, it would seem that the court system has failed to provide justice to the one who need it most; the survivors of this heinous crime. The Encyclopedia for Rape is quoted saying, “In real life, rape victims are brutalized, ignored, and harassed by the system that is designed to help them. They are traumatized stigmatized or shamed for life if they are not killed during the attack.” Where did the court go wrong? In the court of law Rape is the only crime where a victim has to prove his or her innocence. The defendant meanwhile has the right to sit in court during the whole trial and not say a word. There are still lawyers who argue that women can take steps to prevent a rape from happening but that’s simply not true. Judges are there to be an impartial 3rd party and to hear the case but how impartial can you be when there’s one person on one side saying that he raped me and the other person saying she’s a liar? In the end you’re going to have to take sides with someone and hope for the best. Even the cops often say “Are you sure you didn’t send mix signals?” As if it’s the victims fault for being raped. Why is there victim blaming in the first place? Victim blaming is defined as holding the victims responsible for what happened to him or her. The safe campus project has this to say “One way in which victim blaming is perpetuated is through rape myths. Rape myths allow us to blame the victim and are often common false beliefs." Perhaps we can't see the victim as innocent, because by so doing we would have to admit that similar things might happen even to us. We blame the victim in order to feel more in control. Even tho there has been 60% less rapes since 19993, the courts and society have a long way to go to give justice to these survivors"
  4. white fades to black emotion run deep like a cut with a 4 in blade cold glassy stare from sharp crazed eyes look into the mirror what do you see a crazed person staring back at me words spin as tho they on a amusement ride but this is not for fun lives are at stake don't take the risk black slowly turns to red deep bright hard red pumping out of the cold and disturbed heart what do you say how do you react the cold glassy stare freezes in time prickly thorns arise on that heart thought to be made out of steel they let down the castle wall guarding your heart but the pain they can't see the fire taken over your soul walking slow like a zombie screams that they can't hear you're cries for help echoes against these glass wall someone throw a brick or a stone let me out of this vicious cage that we've both built me out of protection you out of control someone help me sweaty hand surround tightly around the throat squeezing the life out of you slowly like an anaconda on the verge of an attack i guess this is the sign that i'm going mad the unseen bruises vision of him appearing like a ghost im going crazier then most Source: Trapped behind these glass cold walls
  5. Update

    Yawn sitting here listeinging to music haven't been on here in a while nothing really changed not in s.c anymore. Startin 11th grade sometime in august this sumer I'm going to group once every week. Stopped goin to indiuval 4 a while taking a break 4rm consueling till sometime nxt year. Still waiting to go to court but i guess that will juss be a long wait juss dnt want it to interrupt junior year cuz dat the almost last eyar of school. this summer has been slowly coming to a close n i usedf to 2 finsih out schoool??????!!!!! yea Commmunty service to graduate sucks but i rather get my hours in duringn the summer than the school year even though i wont be do anythign during the school year. idk might not join any clubs becauase i cnt do newpapaer or any writing classes becuase of course they messed up my schdluye agaign and the classdser i need 4 writing cluub n the newpapaers they didnt put in my scheudle instead i got health n gym that i didnt take in 10th greade yaya me -_- anyway Ill edit this 4 mistAKE N finshi it l8r prob firday
  6. Let me start by saying i've been in your shoes and No you're not stupid. Yes it was rape. You said No he kept it going end of story. You will heal. I know its hard to believe but im time you will heal. If you ever need someone to talk to just PM me I'll be there 4 u
  7. The what if Ghost aka Haunted Rapist

    What if I could stop breathing for 20 seconds? Maybe that could get you to not be reckless? What if I bleed out and die? Would that even be enough for you to cry? What if I told you how I really felt without holding back? I wonder how you would respond to that. Would you rant and rave Threaten to put me in the grave? Or would you listen Not interrupt till I was finish? I wonder how you will react when the Judge hands down the Verdict. Are you even scared to be in there with convicted criminal? Or are you trying to have everything subliminal (Added) Do you try to kill me in you sleep Conjure up images just to prove to you I’m weak. Will you count down the month, hours, days, and year? Or will you face you fear Or maybe drown in your own tear I hope it haunt you like a ghost And bother you most nights Hopefully you can’t sleep without lights Darkness will consume you And there I will be Facing you with all of you misery You will never sleep again Neither will your friends Haunting and taunting you'll see visions of me Watching from the inside You’ll go downhill Bouncing from mental institution For you there is no solution I follow you like prey ready to attack Just like your decisions you can never turn back Guess what it are not only you Your other 2 friends are seeing me too I will never go away I will haunt you everyday Impossible to get rid of me I’ll have you pleading please I won’t listen it will fall upon deaf ears Just like screaming in nightmares Grab for your blanket or teddy You can’t call mom you know that already This is Prison and I’m Hell Rest in pieces in your Jail cell Beware the dude your sleeping next like boys You’ll be his next jailhouse toy. 3 years from now I’ll be at your Wake You won’t rest in Peace I’ll command your fate You’ll hear my voice And smell me before you die And you will know the answer why I am the ghost and you are scrooge Life is a game! Guess what You lose
  8. i love writing and acting out plays. due to the area i live in there no actives for teens -_- we're just stuck
  9. Sinking into a deep hole

    I thought i couldn't breathe I thought i couldn't see because of what you did to me. Days goes past you folow me in my dreams I'm just beggin you to leave alone feeling like you raped me all over again its hard to pick up the phone Friends crossing the battlefield leaving me to defend myself and joing the other side everyone think I'm the one who lied. why can't it be you this time. Just like it was you who raped me. You family says no it wasnt u u were at home but 4 3 hours u took your turn u wrote it in blood u sed how fun I cant sleep I'm afraid to close my eyes I can hear u in da lullaby Im in therpahy twice a week you tired to make me weak you tried to break me destory my very core but u didnt supect the serect weapon you thought i would b quiet but i was loud you thought i was willing but i shout i didnt even realize you weren't my real fear. Sinking into a hole of pain when will it not rain tear fall mixed with the blood he left all i can think about is death his
  10. life n love

    look what luck has done 2 me Has any1 meet a gurl dat been through more shit den me i lost ppl who i cared about because of trust lyk trusting ppl is hard 2 do 4 me but dat not an excuse so wat should i do at this point? go out and try again? or just sit with my losts- idk i mean i just have 2 tell the truth and let ppl get close 2 me i know dats wat ur saying in your head but dats really hard 4 me 2 do but still not an excuse trust is how i lost 3 0f the 8 yea my serecet was 2 big and 2 great 2 tell but dey found out anyway so shuld i stop lying most defeintly but should i try 2 try again if i know i'm gunna mess up idk we'll juss wait and c te amo papi te amo V_v
  11. My affair with the Devil's advocat

    He used to ask for my homework He was a Bad Boy He calls himself a G I was the ugly girl who everyone loved to hate We used to talk about silently going on a date So I welcomed his attention Not knowing that was the time to get an intervention He soon become my very blind addiction Me happily inviting anyone into this home For I was the only child so company I seek Walking to and from the school he doesn't want to be seen With me... and a relationship is what we suppose to be?? My girls say he already has a girl That he should have never even enter my world But it’s too late for that he's corrupted my thoughts My body shakes and my heart skips a beat Every time I see him walk over to his seat But after school who is this person His Deadly eyes stare into mine His hand over my body I'm trying to figure out how we even got here The poison sets in This dude I once yearned for is the word for sin His family cries for his release Now when I look at him his face begins to change Into a raging beast inside me that cause nothing but pain True we were never really a couple but that burning is there The safe nurse says it’s okay to cry even feeling like I want to die But I just shake my head and nod While lying covered in blood praying to god Forgive our sin dear father for they know not what they do I know your love for me will always be true As I stare at the shackles that carries him away This is what I always pray Let Your Love touch his heart Every single day I want him to remember Y he is hear Please only release him when he's truly sincere I want him to look me in my eye So I can ask the heavy burden question WHY If u says you’re sorry what is that suppose to do You can’t take back all the blood I’d lose You say the time you spent is the cost I say no its not Me living knowing that you and your friend took my Virginity away Is and always will be the price we all paid.
  12. Thanks, Then after I was raped she told me that one of the boys tried 2 rape her but i stopped it. Even though i want to call and ask her questions I can't because its going to court.There so many thing i want to ask her but I'm afraid of the answer.
  13. If you give up your dreams and goals your attacker wins becuase then they have all control over you.
  14. 1st blog

    Well this is my 1st time writing anything after the rape. It’s been 2 weeks and all I want is to just go back to before everything happened and my world just shattered. I can't look at my mom because every time I try to she breaks out in tears. She thinks I haven’t cried at all. Well just one little tears in the ER. Everyone says all my pain is in the inside. I knew the 3 boys who did this. I can't get any sleep. Idk how I feel most of the time, when we were in court I wanted to spit in their face but when I'm alone I want to feel sorry for them and forgive them for what they did even though I know what they did to me is unforgivable. Sometimes my mom will come and my room and try to talk but I don’t feel like talking so I sit and listen. I'm not allowed back in school and its killing me because it gives me more time to sit in my room and think about 3 boy coming into my home raping me while my best friend sat downstairs and did nothing . I don't want to sound paranoid or anything but I really think she step me up because she knew they were coming over but didn't do anything and then she ignored my screams for help. When they left all she said was you need to tell someone and walked out leaving me covered in blood. Am I wrong for thinking that she set me up????