daybydaybyday

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About daybydaybyday

  • Birthday 08/29/1982

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  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  1. 1. Were you silenced by someone? How? I only told one friend then, because I didn't want anyone else to know. The one that picked me up knew, but we never really talked about it after I told him I didn't want to talk about it and I just wanted to get to his house so I could sleep (I couldn't face by family). He at least knew that there was a lot of bad stuff going on, because I was crying, my shirt was ripped and I had walked over a mile before I even realized I didn't have my shoes on. 2. Have other, beside the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?) Sometimes I feel like my husband is betraying me, because he acts like it's not a big deal and has asked when I'm going to get over it. 3. Did you "tell" people in a way other then words about your abuse? (anorexia, withdrawing etc) I withdrew some, but I tried really hard to appear the same on the outside. I was terrified that my mom would find out and think it was my fault. I avoided my house as much as possible on the weekends when my sister was home from college, because I was afraid she would find out. 4. "The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last" Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not? I have a really hard time trusting anyone, and I think part of it stems from that. 5. How do you see yourself now? That depends on the day. I view myself as pretty strong most of the time. I feel like I've dealt with this largely by myself for six years, so I can deal with anything. But then the nightmares come and I can't sleep with my light and TV off, and realize that maybe I'm not dealing with it quite as effectively as I had hoped. During the day I'm confident that I'm strong, and handling things well. 6. Have you begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like? In real life, I have told very few people. My husband and I were already married before I told him the first time, and even now we very rarely talk about it. 7. Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself? I don't trust anyone except for my sister, but I've never told her, so maybe I don't even fully trust her. I think the reason I haven't told her is because I don't want her to hurt, but I'm not positive on that. I trust myself sometimes, but never fully. It seems like I'm always reminding myself that my choices aren't always good ones or I never would have put myself in that situation.
  2. I have awful nightmares any time I smell cigarette smoke or beer anytime throughout the day. I get up in the middle of the night and spend the rest of the night on the couch with the lights and TV on more times than I care to count. Sometimes I bring my dog out with me. As soon as my husband leaves in the mornings (it's still dark out) I turn on the lights and TV in the bedroom if I'm in there. I'm pretty sure that my anxiety is the reason that one of my dogs can't sleep when it's dark and my husband isn't home.