I don't know if I belong on this message board because I don't know what happened to me. I am a college sophomore and three days ago I went out with my friends. We were all drinking and I admit I did get rather intoxicated. I remember dancing with a boy at a frat and he offered to walk me home. However, he took me to his dorm. I was so confused as to why we were in a different dorm. He led me into his bedroom and turned the music on very loudly. His roommates were in his common room and my head was spinning. He got on top of me and I felt my body go limp with alcohol-induced fatigue. I remember saying "no" to him when he took my pants off. He told me it was OK but he didn't stop. My memory of the evening is so hazy but the next thing I remember was him having sex with me. He finished and I put my pants back on and ran back to my own dorm, crying. I don't know if this is rape or not because I don't remember everything I said and I don't remember everything he said. It is 100% my fault for getting so intoxicated and every time I think about it my heart races and I feel like I can't breathe. I'm too afraid to tell anyone because I know they will say I should not have drank so much and that I was just a dumb girl making a stupid decision. I felt guilty even registering for this site because you are all strong amazing people who did experience horrific acts of sexual violence. I, however, got myself too drunk and allowed myself to be vulnerable and out of control. Am I a survivor or am I just a girl who got drunk at a frat? I blame myself for drinking but I'm finding it hard to believe I would eventually give this boy permission to have sex with me. I don't even know his last name. I can't sleep and I feel so alone with a secret that is killing me. I feel like a dirty slut and a drunk idiot.