I am currently in the legal process due to an incident that happened on 29th December. I was out drinking with friends - a female friend 's' and her gay male friend 'd'. we had been drinking quite heavily. they were sharing a house together. i went back with them. s went to bed i stayed up talking with d. at 5am ish i asked to be shown a room as i needed to sleep. d showed me. the last thing i remember is falling into bed fully clothed. the next thing i remember d is in the room, he had removed my trousers and knickers and was giving me oral sex. he is gay. he aroused me in my sleep. it was like a dream, i wasn't fully conscious of what was happening and didn't fight or say no. i let him carry on even though if i had not been so intoxicated i would never have let this happen. he totally abused my trust. i woke up in the morning and left. i found out two days later he is hiv +. he was arrested and put in remand on a charge of grievous bodily harm with intent. it went to the cps but they discontinued due to lack of evidence despite the fact he admitted having sex with me knowing he is hiv+. i am currently on anti-hiv drugs and waiting to see if he has passed on his death sentence to me. they originally said they would not bring a charge of rape because he is saying it was consensual. at what point was it consensual? i have spoken to the police since. they are now deciding to go ahead with a rape charge. the thing that is hurting me at the moment is someone who i considered to be a closest friend believes it wasn't rape and that it is just a bit weird that this man did what he did. i am here because i crave support and understanding. due to my friend's lack of compassion and understanding i find i am doubting myself. it doesn't go to court until i find out with i am hiv+ or hiv-. i never expected or bargained for this to happen in a million years. i thought i was just going to a friend's for a few drinks. my new year has not been a happy one. i don't want to tell my family as it will worry them no end. i live alone and have to endure an endless preoccupation with what happened and will may happen.