AnnaETC

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About AnnaETC

  • Rank
    Anna Kate
  • Birthday 04/07/1987

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Location
    between a rock and a hard place
  • Interests
    painting, writing, singing, performing, love, healing, recovery, movies, laughing, bubbles, running
  1. Oct 30

    For the most part, this has been a mixed bag of a past few weeks. The good: I've been absolutely acing my classes. I've gotten two 100's on tests this week alone (bringing the total up to 4 this semester!) and lots of A's to accompany it. I'm working really hard, and considering that the past 3 semesters I've had to drop out, it's been such a great accomplishment to be able to prove to myself I'm capable. Also, I've been writing a TON. Lots of memories that I'm gathering up to one day write a book. I'm really happy with how it's turning out. Lots of strong stuff that I'll likely have to write under a pseudonym (because it incriminates lots of RA and CSA) but either way I'm pretty sure I'll be able to publish. My T, mentor, and best friend are encouraging it, so I'll see where it goes. I got a tattoo this week! It says "Redeemed" on my right wrist, in script writing. It's not too big. It's facing me, so that way I can remember that I AM redeemed. I'm NOT the person I was, and that journey to become who I am is a daily one. I love it. It's kind of funny--I'm getting mixed results. Everyone's either really happy with it or can't believe I've permanently inked myself Not so good: I broke up with my boyfriend, C. Long story, but it was for the best. We had been dating for 9 months and 7 of those were fantastic--the last two were miserable. He's a lying, cheating bastard...and it's time for me to move on. Way past that time. This weekend is Halloween. Lots of bad ickyness due to RA and other issues, but I'm trying to do healthy things to cope instead of totally drinking myself into oblivion like I had been doing for 8 years. I went to my AA meeting and stopped by a friend's house on the way home. I got lots of support from Brian, which really means a lot. My T even text messaged me to make sure I was doing okay--I'm so grateful to have his support in my life. What a great guy. Despite it all, things are going pretty well. Hoping to make it through the weekend alive and well, but I might be on Pandy's a lot to compensate for when I'm not doing so hot
  2. Memory TRIGGER

    I remember the wooden spoon coming down across my knees. It was aimed at whatever it could hit, and ended on my legs, face, shoulders, and back. I had welts for days and stayed home alone from school until the ones on my face were gone. That had been a mistake. She wasn’t supposed to leave marks. But I had misbehaved, talking back and complaining the creamed beef had made my stomach hurt. I couldn’t believe I was so stupid. I slinked back to my room and cried. Don’t be sad, she said. I’m here. Let’s play. I had never questioned her before; I accepted whatever she had to say because it was comforting. But there was a new one. Shut up, it said. Next time just shut up and she won’t hit us. That’s a lie, the first one said. She’ll hit us anyway. You just stop talking. You’re making her sad. Don’t be a baby, the strange one said from my lips. I shook my head and tried to walk but this one was strong. I’m Andrea. I’m going to apologize to Mommy and she’ll love us again. NO! I said inside. But my legs moved anyway. Mommy? it said. I’m sorry. The voice sounded determined, but inside I was trapped and terrified. I went away. Her head turned slowly. “I thought you would have learned by now to just shut up and get the hell out of my sight!” she screamed. She moved towards Andrea and grabbed took off her belt. “How many times do you have to disobey?” The look in her eyes grew cold. Andrea stepped back and fell silent. Mommy’s belt. She blinked. She went away. Drill Sergeant prepared to take the blows. The whistle of the belt as it flew through the air echoed off the walls. WHACK. The first hit. WHACK. whistle. WHACK. whistle. Ten more times. It didn’t hurt. It couldn’t. But the noise inside grew louder with Maggie’s hysterical crying. “You’re not crying. What, do you like this? Wipe that look off your face!” she screamed as she hit harder. Drill Sergeant had forgotten to register fear, sadness, anger. Never again. The blows continued until she stepped away from the bruised body on the floor. The belt dropped to her side and she left, silently locking the door behind her. It’s all your fault, Andrea sighed. How can she love us if we’re bad? Hush, Drill Sergeant whispered. The worst is yet to come. Daddy’s coming home soon.
  3. Leaving tomorrow on vacation...

    A much needed vacation with my cute boyfriend. We have been waiting for this for sooo long...it's our 6 month anniversary, so we're headed to South Carolina for 4 days to see his friends and a few things along the way--the zoo, a drive in theater, the coastline, the mountains. I'm excited about it, but things have just been going so wrong lately. I'm trying to keep a good attitude. I will wake up tomorrow, excited and refreshed, pick C up and drop Daisy (my dog) off, and we will be on our way. Without air conditioning. The Jeep's air went out a few weeks ago and it'll be Monday before the parts will be in. His truck probably wouldn't make the trip, but I have a sneaking suspicion the only reason he doesn't want to take his truck is because he simply doesn't want to clean it out. Ugh. So we're driving 7.5 hours in the HEAT. It's not the most ideal of situations, but hopefully with a positive attitude we'll make it along the way. I'm hoping the nightmares go away FAST. I've been having brutal, disturbing nightmares for the past couple of weeks. I know how I am when I wake up from them, but I'm not sure if I scream, talk, cry, etc. in my sleep. I don't want things to get out of hand, especially because it'll just be the two of us. I may be able to post while we're gone, and I'm preparing the best I can mentally. I'm with someone safe so that helps. Wish me luck! Anna Kate