Alice.

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    17
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About Alice.

  • Birthday 04/25/1992

Contact Methods

  • Website URL
    http://Ask please

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Location
    Scotland
  • Interests
    I enjoy dancing, singing and acting. Although i rarely persue any of these interests, im concentrating on school for now. I enjoy keeping active, although i seam to be less and less active as time goes on. Why do i find writing/finding interests so hard?
  1. Okay so one of the friends that knows what happend to me went to some party where the guy (call him roger) who raped me was, she says she felt sick being beside him. My male friend, call him George, who ive had a one night stand with, was asking her whats wrong. She said i dont want to tell you what happend, you should ask alice. George assumed me and Roger slept together so he phoned me just normal chatting about his weekend, then he started to tell me about how Roger was acting creepy to this girl, that when she was basicly passed out on the bed he started touchign her and tried to get her to take her clothes off. I said "yeah hes a perv". The George said " oh yeah i heard you and roger slept together" Tears started pouring out my eyes and i felt my voice choke. They were tears of anger, the thought that he would tell people i slept with him when he knows it was rape. So i told George everything. He said he was shaking with disgust. Her told all his friends now non of them want to speak to Roger. I appreciate the support.
  2. Hes alive, but dead to me

    Forget my last blog. i feel silly but, i saw a comment HE left on one of my friends facebook photo albums, and the feeling i felt was so strange. He left the comment 3 days after he r**ed me. I guess a part of me wish he was dead. As that is how he is now to me. I felt dizzy and sick. If i felt like that just seeing words hes written imagine how i would feel seeing him. The thought scares me so much. Trying not to picture it though, i already feel sick!
  3. Strength

    I can do this. I just need to believe in myself and be strong. I wasn't naive when i was yonger to think that i can do anything. Doesn't matter who comes in my way. Its my life, in my life my decision are what matters. Its the actions i take that define myself, not someone elses actions that may or may not affect me. MY LIFE
  4. Cant pretend

    So i went out, it was okay. I told my friends what happened to me, i wouldn't have if i wasnt scared. Scared that i was going to see him that night, the chances were so slim but i can't take any chance. We were talking of going to this club, i said i cant go there because he went there. When they heard why ovcoarse they were shocked, told me not to let what happened affect me, but its easier said than done isnt it? They kept saying how quiet i was being, i never noticed. I was actually trying to be all cheery, guess im not as good an actress as i thought. Im not going to go to my friends gathering tonight though, having to make conversation and be happy just doesnt appeal to me in the slightest. Much rather stay home. And although i was invited to her house, its half six and she hasnt phoned, which means she will have forgotten about me. So im glad im not going. Hope your all well x
  5. Plans i dont want

    So, if i want to, i have something to do both tonight and tomorrow. What i really want to do if stay in bed all day/night, but i know that wont make me feel any better. Im just worried il go out and feel really depressed, and just want to sit in the corner and get drunk. But what would people say then? i really cant decide I think i might go out tonight, because its just me and a close friend going to a bar/club, so maybe it wont be as noticable? If that night out makes me feel better then maybe il have courage to go to my friends house party on saturday. Although the people there i dont know very well, and im rpetty sure they all think im alredy pretty quiet. I'd have to make quite an effort, that why im not sure hmmm much love x
  6. Happy people

    I think im really jelous of happy people. With their happy smiley facebook photos and their status updates saying 'LIFE IS GOOD' or 'WOOHOO LETS PARTY'. When im at home feeling like life is rubbish and then i go to bed early. Thing is half of these people are my friends.. so i should be happy for them right? i cant help it. i feel bad i feel this way but, i just wish i was somebody else even for a day[/color]
  7. Telling my friend

    Im going to tell my friend today. Im usually not the type of person to tell everyone my experiences, especially not those im closest to. Although the person who raped me if friends with her to. I honestly dont think he would to the same to her, as i was basicly lying on a plate for him. Although if she goes out for drinks with him or even to the cinema, she deserves to know what hes capable of. wish me luck.
  8. Second experience

    So, heres my story.It was a saturday night, me and friends were getting ready to go out into town. I was texting a male friend i'd had for nearly two years, asking him to come out since i never see him enough. After we left the club, my friend was talkin about how he had a free house and wondered if we wanted to come over. Me, always being up for staying out all night, agree'd despite my friend just going home. We went to a party near his hosue then got home at about 5 in the morning.I was knackered and he couldn't be botherd getting the fold bed out so we just shared one. I was getting a strange vibe, he said " i cant believe i have Alice *** in my bed " i joked and told him not to get any ideas. Then a few minutes later he kissed my neck. I apologised if id led him on by staying the night, that i never thought about things getting awkward, i said it would be no problem for me just to leave. He told me not to worry about it and he turned the other way.Although, i guess he was just too damn horny to take no for an answer. I drifted off, when i woke up i didn't have my underwear on, his hand was over my mouth and he was raping me. I gasped, i was so shocked. Now that i look back i don't know why i didn't scream or hit him. But i didn't i just lay their. I was so scared. He tapped my head and rolled my eye lid up to check if i was awake, i pretended i was asleep. He then tried to roll me over. The fact that he could have been having sex with me for two seconds or two hours before i woke up was scary enough, would i have to pretend i was asleep and just let him rape me? i made a noise as if i was waking up, then he went to sleep. I cried for a while, then when i heard him snouring i got up, found my underwear (that were a little ripped), got dressed and left. Thankgod i had money for a taxi since he lived in the other side of the city.I don't know if he even knows i know what happened. I deleted him from my msn and facebook. Surely if it was a normal night and i just left like that, he would have tried calling. The thought of seeing him again makes me feel sick. I can't even stand looking at a photo of him. I have never hated anyone so much.
  9. First experience, incest

    I hide from my experiences by lying. That way its as if they enver happend.I read someone's blog who says this is how she deals with things, and it will hopefuly help her heal from her experiences.Although i dont believe that. I have such a desire to come face to face with everything that has went wrong in my life so far, in order to limit the effect it has on myself in the future.My first 'experience' happend when i was 11. My brother malested me. I felt sick during, i went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, almost in tears at what was happening. When i say he malested me, i may be speaking harshly, im not sure of the definition. Its not as if he forced me to do anything by violence.I just didn't understand what was happening. When he asked if he could kiss me i said no, because i knew that wasn't something brother and sisters do. Although anything else was fine with me, aslong as it didn't interrupt me watching the simpson's or playing with my barbies when we stayed at our grans.Now that im older and i have more knowledge on sexual experiences in itself, i realise that my brother didn't know what he was doing. He wanted to get experience, as at the time he was only 14. This is why i don't hold it against him. I remember he tried to have sex with me once, it didnt work, i can't exactly remember why (but how glad i am now!). This made me very sad, believeing a would be rubbish at sex in future. He said this is why we practice.Although we hardly practised, we never done anything the way i know to now. Did he know what he was doing when he was only 14? does it make me sick in the head, that i didn't say no?I wish i had a therapist or someone to talk to. But they are expensive arn't they?i'd need a parent to pay, although that would be telling them why, and i cant do that.I'l write about my other experience soon.much lovex