JessKarr

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    45
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About JessKarr

  • Birthday 07/15/1990

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  1. Thanks so much for the hugs It helps simply knowing there are people out there struggling with the same thing. The first step seems to be the hardest, grrr.
  2. Help Is Too Far Away

    I feel like there are just too many things that I need help with that I don't know where to start! I am so FRUSTRATED! I have no idea as to how I go about finding a professional to talk to, I feel like there are so many components of me that need work I couldn't tell them everything in a year let alone a session. Should I find a separate therapist for my body image issues, CSA, drug abuse, depression and everything else in between? I have no idea what to do, I am so scared about it too. I wouldn't even know where to start its just too much for me
  3. I can really relate to this post! It is so hard to focus on the good things in our pasts when there are things that are so painful, happiness doesn't seem to compare. I just thought I would let you know you are definitely not alone in this frustrated feeling! Try and think happy thoughts, Jess
  4. DID IT!

    I finally plucked up the courage to tell my boyfriend about everything! I am SO proud of myself. I cannot believe I did it! I didn't tell him to his face though, I couldn't. So instead I wrote him a letter about it and told him to read it. So he did, he didn't really say much, other than "it's not going to effect me and you, i'll still love you" that kinda stuff which was really good. I guess I was just really wanting to talk it out but he just didn't know what to say. It would be nice to be able to talk and talk with someone who responded. I guess it's time to look into a counsellor? I feel mentally, there is a lot wrong with me. But because it was awhile ago, i feel like I couldn't start now. It would be silly bringing it all up? I am so confused at the moment, I really do need someone to talk to
  5. Thankyou so much for this! brightened me up somewhat It really is a great thing to be able to connect with so many people that have the EXACT same thoughts, it's amazing. I think the thing that gets to me is that I feel like I'm not healed until I don't think about it at all, which I know is impossible. Heres to us
  6. I can totally relate to this post! I am sorry you have had to struggle. I too hold onto the past, not knowing how to let it go. However I think you should hold your head high, for the simple fact that you are here and your graduating! Well done!! This post feels like it came right out of my head, guess we aren't alone. Jess
  7. Overactive brain.

    Today I have done nothing but think about things, the first of which is the fact that it has been a fair few years and I am still struggling, I have never really spoken to a therapist, I have had the odd appointment when things get bad, then I just give up on them. I've never really stuck to one person and had actual therapy. I think it seems like a good idea, but every time I try it, I don't show up again. I'm not sure why I do this, and even though it's been years, have I ever really dealt with it properly? I don't know. All I know is I feel unmotivated and tired most of the time, that even though I am relatively happy with my life right now, on the outside, there is always that thing inside of me that is broken, and I feel I blame all my days of laying in bed on something I should have gotten over awhile ago. Over the last couple of days I have really been active on pandys and I feel so raw, so emotional.. In a good way I guess, I've always come on here to read others and read to be inspired, and only occasionally posted. But as I am posting more and more I have started to feel so much more open, even if no one reads this, it is such an amazing feeling for me. I am thinking about maybe finding someone to help me. But what can they do? It's over, and there is nothing I can do about it, suck it up right? I hate that, the struggle between wanting to give up, because everything feels so wrong and wanting to forget all about it and move on. Why can't I? I am also afraid that I am becoming more and more hard, cold and generally like an outer shell. Sometimes I don't even really know who I am... Deep thought, sorry everyone.
  8. I am also sorry to hear this, and that you had to go through something so horrible. I was just wondering how long it took for the nightmares to go? It happend along time ago for me too, 5 years since the rape, and i still dream about 2 nights out of a week.. Do you still dream occasionally? This post made me happy, thanks for the hope
  9. Newbie.

    I am really a newbie when it comes to blogging, I just thought it might be a good outlet for me. Just to write it down. I posted a my story on Pandys today, feeling kind of alone in the whole thing. It's the first time I've written anything down like that before, hoping someone can give me and answer that I could never answer for myself. There is someone in my life who I truly love, and he doesn't know everything.. He knows somethings about one time, but not about the other, and I wish I could just tell him, but I am worried about the reaction.. I wish i had the strength to just show him what I wrote about one of my stories.. Somehow it seems so unreal that maybe he wouldn't even believe me.