I have been so stressed out lately; I haven't taken any time for myself. I have not been to counseling the entire month of June. First, I made the mistake of taking my mom shopping with me at the beginning of the month and spent 4x more than I normally do. So, we ran out of money about halfway through the month. That was frustrating in and of itself, but it was not my biggest concern. I have been so worried about my mom. Regardless of her inability to properly handle the finances--I can easily forgive that--I am concerned that she has not had the medicine she needs for her blood pressure, heart problems, and diabetes. She has not had any medicine all month. I watched as she slowly went downhill. She got to the point that she did nothing but sleep and watch TV. She can't even take a shower alone because she is afraid of falling if no one is nearby. She has been having trouble with dizzy spells and severe headaches because of her rising blood pressure. Now, she is in excruciating pain. She has sharp pains in her chest and her back. I am terrified she is going to have another heart attack or stroke. She has already had five heart attacks--she has a stint and two blockages that will need to be dealt with soon--and a stroke that left her blind in her left eye. I don't know what i would do without my mom. Despite the fact that she feels like she is a burden to me, I would be lost without her. I don't feel that she is a burden. She is my mom, and I love her unconditionally. I would do whatever is necessary to make her healthy again. If that is not possible then I at least want her to be pain free. I can hardly stand to watch her endure so much pain.
Our church has agreed to help her with her medical problems. They are going to make an appointment with a new doctor to have her reevaluated for her health problems and they are going to pay for whatever medications that are prescribed for her. That is a big relief to me. I just hope that the doctor is able to find a treatment protocol that actually works. She was on seven different blood pressure medicines and they still were not controlling her blood pressure. There have been times over the last year that her blood pressure has been 220/160. That is high enough to cause a heart attack or stroke. It is scary. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that she has had another heart attack since Oct 2010 when she was hospitalized in the cardiac ICU. She doesn't like to tell anyone when she is having chest pains, but I know she has taken nitro within the last month several times. That tells me she is experiencing angina or maybe even something worse. I am just glad she finally agreed to let the church help her. They have been asking her to let them help for a year, and she has been putting it off. She didn't need to suffer for so long. She is so stubborn.
I still feel stressed. I guess I will until I know that she has some medicine and that it is working. I just hope the church is able to get her a doctor's appointment quickly. I need some piece of mind.