CityLights

Member
  • Content count

    26
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About CityLights

  • Rank
    Wolf Like Me
  • Birthday 03/11/1988

Contact Methods

  • Website URL
    http://

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Location
    Colorado
  • Interests
    Writing, painting, photography, sewing, cross-stitching, crocheting, crafts, baking, cooking, reading, vintage and antique items, traveling, music, concerts, film, silent film, clowns, circuses, the 1800's and the 1920's, journalism, anthropology, culture, etc.
  1. I am always where I need to be

    I've made a lot of goals come true for myself lately, and I'm proud of that fact. I'm studying photojournalism at the college of my choice, and I'm doing well at it. I love my classes, I love being busy, I love learning and exploring and understanding. I love my independence, how I've taken control over my everyday life and have done what I've wanted to do. I love the people in my life, my friends, my confidants. They're beautiful people and I am a better person for having them in my life. I've improved in my strides toward self-acceptance and self-love. I try everyday to view myself, my body, more positively. I am also in love for the first time ever. I have a boyfriend, a man who loves me and is supportive of me. I am able to be affectionate with him, and greatly enjoy doing so. I can't get over the feeling of warmth and safety I feel when I crawl into bed next to him and sleep soundly and without nightmares. But I still struggle, and that's the hardest thing to accept, but I'm trying. I realize that there is a part of me, a traumatized and sad part of me, that will probably never go away. And you know what? That's okay. That's life. That's my struggle and I do better at dealing with it every day. It's the cycle of life, it's balance, its the bad that comes with the good. I have to keep telling myself that it's okay. To believe that it is. To not feel disappointed or like a failure if I have a bad day. I tell myself "you have no reason to be upset or to feel this way", but having these good things in my life doesn't necessarily mean I am 100% healed of all my sorrows. So if I want to cry, I should. If I want to reflect on my hurtful past, I can. If I just want to take a day to myself and not talk to anyone, I'm allowed. I am not doing a disservice to myself or anyone around me if I let myself be vulnerable at least every once in awhile. I don't have to be strong all the time, I don't have to act like life is perfect. It's good to remind myself of these things.
  2. Trevor Hall's lyrics really inspire me and generally make me feel better. Song: "Jago Ma" Won't you come alive Won't you come alive Wake me up inside Won't you come alive Open up my eyes Open up my eyes Shake my heart inside Open up my eyes Well I got a heart made of stone Tell me will you be the one to break this mold Shake my earth and rattle my bones Break out of this chamber and carry me home I've been sleeping for some years Having no good dreams Only scary nightmares Wake me from this awful slumber Strike me with your almighty thunder Well a couple of mystics have described your form Saying you can never die for you've never been born Telling me you've come to kill all superstition Put the needle upon the record Show me what I've been missing I need a love that'll swallow me whole This ain't the first time I've tried to save my soul I need a God in living form You're all that I've got Aim your weapon darling Take your shot Song: "To Zion" To Zion I fly on Up with the sunrise Breeze through the wind chimes Open my eyes as the images rush my mind Shine Well baby, you're just in time The water is in the kettle The stars have just aligned Within the hour Oh we'll see the power Never knew this tree could bloom so many flowers Yes I Water the roots as I lace up my boots Strap on my parachute and float on back to To Zion I fly on Swallow the ocean Drink of its potion The wheels are turning and burning Set it in motion Fire Fire Well baby I'm up in flames These melodies are telling me to see it all the same I am I You are You You are Me We are We Family on the road to unity Plant the seed Watch it sprout Watch it grow Watch it bloom Get in tune Sun and Moon As we finally break through To Zion I fly on Polish the mirror so we can see clearer Push back the clouds and reflect love superior Within the lotus, it all comes in focus This love, it ain't hopeless It's no hocus pocus
  3. -Closing my eyes when I'm in the shower. I have an awful time trying to wash my hair and keep my eyes open at the same time. -Like some others said, children. Especially girls around the age that I was (4-5). It's really hard because my little sister is at that age now and it nearly kills me to be around her sometimes, and I feel so bad about it. -Driving past a certain government building -When someone comes up behind me or is close to my back -Being called "pumpkin" -Large, boney mans hands. - When someone whispers in my ear