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About MSL100308

  • Birthday 06/27/1975

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  1. Not sure what to say

    I came accross this website through a search engine...I am just looking for somewhere to feel normal. I am not even sure how to start except to say I was raped 3 weeks and 4 days ago. I don't even feel like myself anymore...I go day to day just doing...just so I am able to put the day behind me. As long as I stay busy I am ok but little things will set me off. I also got a phone call yesterday from my doctor I out that this horrible thing has caused a pregancy. I don't even want more kids.... how will I love something that was made out of rage. I don't know what to do. I feel so alone. Sure my husband knows but he just seemed mad and upset the first few days now he does not want to talk about it with me... and anytime i try he just shuts down. I thought that I would be able to get on with my life and just pretend like nothing happend but it is always there no matter what i am doing. But of course I have to put on a happy face at work and around friends becuase I don't want anyone to know. I have told a couple of close friends one who does not know what to say and just acts werid about me and then my other friend who said that I can talk to her but that she does not like to see me unhappy. So I try to be happy she had me and my family out to her house for the 4th of July it was only 2 weeks after it happend and it all just seems so unreal to me. My husband out there playing with fire works everyone cooking and eating and having a good time...and I tried really tried to seem ok...I am not sure why I want other people to even the ones that know I want them to beleive I am ok. Maybe its becuase if they beleive it then I will beleive it. But then there are days like today were i fianlly got home from work and everything just make me angry and there really is not reason for things making me angry except that I am just angry inside and hurt and depressed. There were always times in my life before this happend that I was depressed but not like this it comes from the inside deep down were I feel like nothing will make it better. Well enough bawling for me for now ... my eyes will be swollen shut in the morning and I will not be able to breath.