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About Mrs_Darcy

  • Birthday 06/13/1991

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  1. Wonderful Night

    For probably the first time since joining this site, I had a wonderful night last night! I just feel a need to share how amazing it is to feel normal and safe! My boyfriend helped my little brother and I put on this cute anniversary dinner for my parents last night. It was so much fun, a little stressfull, but great. They were both great helpers and we pulled it off great. When we were done, I was exhausted and fell asleep with my head on my boyfriend's lap while we watched a movie with my little brother. I get triggered by being cold a lot, so when i woke up my bf had put a blanket on me because he said i had started to tense up and get goosebumps. So sweet. He let me sleep for about an hour and just stroked my hair and face and told me he loved me. Then i finally got up to do the dishes and he came to help me. He just played with me and stuff, it was sweet. Then he waited for me to put my little brother to bed, and asked if i wanted him to tuck me in. He had me go put on my pajamas, then laid me down in bed, tucked the covers around me, closed my eyes, kissed me on the forehead, and turned out the light. He went home. It was just so nice to feel so safe. I haven't slept that well for weeks. Thank you, Heavenly Father.
  2. The key is feeling at home with yourself. You can't rely on a place, or often even people. just you.
  3. K, so idk what you've tried and such, but i pretty much came to realize my problem cuz i was losing so much sleep due to FBs. I don't know what resources you had available to you, but pretty much the only way I can sleep is to get myself feeling safe. Often I will call my boyfriend right before I go to bed and just have him talk to me while i relax enough to eventually fall asleep. I've also tried meditation tapes and reading some books i really liked when i was little. Having a little bit of time to wind down before you go to sleep is always helpful...
  4. You need to tell your mom and your boyfriend. I understand the way you feel, and I've felt almost identical feelings in the past six months. Let me explain. My boyfriend sort of figured out that i had some sexual issues in my past because i would trigger really bad at just the littlest touches or subjects. Then one night we were talking and i had some serious problems...anyway it eventually all came out. And if your boyfriend really is your rock, like mine is to me, he will be your greates support. You just need to make sure he knows that you need emotional support, not for him to fix things. You need to tell your boyfriend because he needs to understand that things will affect you differently now, and needs to be gentle and kind with you about that. Communication in a relationship is key. I know you may not feel like you should tell him, that it would just be useless venting or whatever, but don't think about it, JUST DO IT! Also, please tell your mom. She can provide girl emotional support on a level that your peers can't. Your mom would MUCH rather have you be able to come to her about it than not tell her. I promise. Ask her. Getting help from a counselor is also a good idea. There are tons of places that offer free counseling for a period...and that may all you need at the moment. I suggest having your mom help you find a counselor. Also, what is your current relationship with the guy you assaulted you? Was it he that told you? I'm a little confused on that...because if i were you i would be very very angry with him, and that's ok. You need to feel anger. It's all part of the process. I'm here if you need anything. Talking is good... ~Emily~
  5. My First

    What do you say in blogs? What does that word even mean?!?! Obviously, while i am a pretty computer savy person, I really have never seen the purpose of things like this... why do we feel a need to create our own personal bulletin board for everyone to see? Will people even look at it? Maybe they do...i don't really know. Anyway...if anyone is looking at this, I really need someone to talk to. I've been working through this healing stuff for the past six months, with a little support from my parents, and a lot of amazing support from my boyfriend. But I have so many questions about the way i feel, flashbacks, triggers, guilt, and current romantic relationships that my parents and boyfriend don't and can't really understand. If there's anyone out there who can help me...i'm open to it. I don't think i've ever sounded this desperate before. It's a new thing for me. It's amazing, the way you can open up to people you don't know over the computer. Please help. ~Emily~