Trinity

Member
  • Content count

    267
  • Joined

  • Last visited

3 Followers

About Trinity

  • Rank
    may contain nuts
  • Birthday 04/23/1976

Contact Methods

  • Website URL
    http://

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Location
    Vancouver, Canada
  1. kodak moment?

    My family never ceases to TOTALLY shock and appaul me! Recently I had an aunt die (on my mother's side). Yes, this is sad news and it was difficult to realize. But her death wasn't even the hardest part. I had debated going to the memorial service as my family truly is the definition of "white-trash"... and I'm not exaggerating! I knew it would be difficult to surround myself in all of that dysfunction and mayhem but I came to understand that the service was NOT about me. It was about my aunt. So I decided I owed it to her, as well as myself, to say goodbye no matter how hard it may be to face those people after so long. I arrived late and found a place to sit at the very back, beside my sister. As soon as I sat down she said to me, "Dad's here." I couldn't even translate what she said through my reaction to that news. I was shocked, scared, hurt and unsure about what I would do when the service was over and he came to say hi. As soon as she told me he was there, I collected my heart from the floor (to which it fell) and quickly scanned the room to find him. There he was smiling and waving back at me, nauseatingly...and STILL pretending he didn't molest me. I haven't seen him in years, nor have I confronted him and against my better judgement I waved back, shaking uncontrollably and I felt I was carrying on the facade he created when I was a child by doing so. I felt immediately sick. Amazing how all of those feelings of humiliation, dirtiness and pain come back in one swift step. I closed my eyes and lowered my head. I almost fainted. I couldn't believe nobody told me he'd be there. I couldn't understand why he WAS there at all. I found out later that my mom and sisters all knew he'd be there 3 days before that service. I was furious. My brother didn't know either and I'm positive they kept that rom him becasue they knew he'd tell me. My brother is the only functional member of my family, if you haven't guessed. When we left the room and made it outside, I could barely walk. My legs were like jello. I was completely nervous and just wanted to sneak away unnoticed. Not possible. As he hasn't seen me in at least 10 years, and still pretends nothing happened, he was quite excited to see me. He was also drunk (alcoholic). He hugged me right away, which I lived through, and then followed me around for the next 20 minutes. It was horrible. Then my little sister came over and asked us to stand for a picture. I can't believe she didn't acknowledge my glare as she put me in such an uncomfortable position. Yes... she's fucked up too. I couldn't believe it. So there I was, posing for a picture with a man who near destroyed my life. For some reason I feel like I'm contributing to his deviancy by continuing to avoid confronting him. I know it wasn't the time or place, but really... when is a good time? and... really??? Why the HELL do you want that on film? (yes, she knows all about it.) Anyway I've decided to completely avoid family at all costs, from this day on. I truly hate them and if they weren't my family I KNOW I'd never know them, with the exception of my brother. They're quite simply, fuckin' freaks with no morals, no ethics and ZERO attention for anyone except themselves. Selfish would describe them completely. It amazes me that I am who I am, coming from that garbage. So, I suppose I can be proud of myself for that. But that pride comes with it's own share of regeret, remorse and guilt. They are my blood whether I want it or not and I constantly feel that pull.
  2. Jes: You ROCK! I'll bet Bill will be watching his mouth now. Mother: "Knitting???" ...that's absolutely ridiculous! He/She might have better said, "you might want to take up studying the mating-habits of African Ants...just to get your mind off the fact that you'd rather be dead." ...Now I've heard it all. Sounds like you ditched that psychiatrist (rightfully so)...and I certainly hope you did hon. Yuck! Trin
  3. Cheers Anna! Like I said, I love the shit!
  4. Lis, I have ALOT of trouble sleeping too. My Doctor prescribed a sleeping pill called Imovane (generic name: Zopiclone). I love this shit!!! I take it an hour before I want to be sleeping. It slowly relaxes you, until you feel kinda 'high', really...but that's not always a bad thing. It's a nice high. In the morning, when I first get up I feel a little tired, but not groggy (depending on how much of the pill I took the night before. I usually only take half, or a quarter and leave myself about 7-8 hours of sleep. Remarkeably, this pill has it's own alarm clock (so it seems). I usually wake up EXACTLY 8 hours later. The sleepiness (NOT grogginess) usually wears off by the time I've finished my cup of coffee. The only thing I hate about it is, if I take half a pill (which is almost always-AND PLENTY) it tastes like I've been licking a battery. So, swallow fast! It tends to last a bit the next day...but it does fade. It usually wears off in the afternoon...OR, as soon as you crack a beer! --> (kidding) Hope that helps, honey...I strongly recommend it. Trinno (Edited by Trinity at 7:16 pm on April 23, 2002)
  5. I wondered about that eefa!
  6. (((Louise))) Thank you.
  7. Jasmine, Never thought of that way...GOOD point! You have just reaffirmed my position with the, so called, "rehabilitation" of sex offenders. Not that I needed it, but thanks for your perspective! Trin
  8. Kellie, You hit a raw nerve in me, by asking this...so pardon my rant if this gets out of hand. This was something my therapist and I discussed/"hashed out" in many sessions of my therapy, and she has also "treated" offenders. Of which, quite honestly, made me very, VERY angry to be seeing her myself. I thought, "how could SHE?" However, I saw past that and realized it as an opportunity to find out the question we all have, as survivors. Can sex offenders be rehabilited??? I can't describe the heat inside that room as we talked/argued and agreed on certain things. Our conversations always led to our 'hands in the air', and a question of, "What do we do to stop them then?" and "How do we do it fairly/justly, and with compassion?" Need I tell you, that we had no conclusion. EVER. I am DEAD-SET in the reality that sex offenders can NOT be rehabilitated, by any means. My therapist agrees, through her own educated opinion. She seemed to be 'admitting' to me, when I asked the question, that there has NEVER been proof of rehabilitation, in sex offenders. She seemed relunctant to divulge it to me, personally. I think she already suspected that I knew. That 'admittance' (for lack of a better word) was all the fuel I needed to believe it, once and for all. I had wondered for so long and I felt that, NOW, I could finally believe it (and not be as bad as them/ not as hate-filled/ not as cruel). There is no answer to WHY rape and abuse happens, in the first place. If we had the sorce, we would have conquered by now. We all know it's not necessary for human survival...to rape and molest each other. We all know it is simply a 'theivery' for power (and that's it). But why do they want that power so badly that they would force a 'life sentence' (cheers Jackie) on those of us who survive it? I don't believe we have an answer to that. AND, I strongly believe that NO excuse is adequate! When thinking in terms of psychology, one might try to argue that sex abuse/rape is a vicious circle of damage. Meaning, "it happened to them, so they do it us...they don't know any better". Throughout my court case as a young child, I was often told that it was my responsibility to "break the chain". If I didn't end it, who would? At the time, it kept me focused...but I didn't believe it- not even as a child. Well here I am today, a survivor of severe sexual abuse/sexual harrassment/sexual deviance...and I have NEVER touched, or raped another child/person. NOR, would I even consider it a "good idea"...as sexual predators would! There is NO excuse, or reason, that these monsters prey on innocent people and children. They are animals, they are pigs and they are cowards. Period. Like someone has already mentioned, with medication and so called, "programming" these offenders can be supressed...(but for how long?). Until they decide they can't control themselves anymore??? Until they decide that they hurt so bad (through their own past) that they HAVE to inflict it on someone else...They NEED to do it to feel better??? Well that's NOT good enough. It's not a risk we should be forcing on the general public...on each other! How it's gone on so long...I have no idea! I KNOW, and I SEE...deep inside my aching little girl, that these sex offenders are destructive, immoral, in-human...from every direction, from every angle and through every tear I shed, as a result...every single day I breathe. My answer: #### NO! There is NO such thing as a "rehabilitated sex offender". The phrase itself has me rolling my eyes. T.
  9. AGE:25, 5'4", short brown hair w/ highlights, blue eyes and dimples. 1.LIVING ARRANGEMENT 2 Bedroom apartment in trendy downtown, with girlfriend. 2.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? "I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings"-Maya Angelou. 3.WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? My mouse pad is circular (grey and dark grey)...looks like the entrance to the Twighlight Zone. 4.FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Chess 5.FAVORITE MAGAZINE? "Photo Magazine"...French Version--> NOT the censored, American Photo 6.FAVORITE SMELLS? "Angel" for Men, amber, "sensuality"-from Escents, fresh cut grass, rain on hot pavement, clean sheets dried on the line outside. 7.LEAST FAVORITE SMELLS? Obsession for Men-(bad memories), The cat's "tuna breath", "B-O", beer- the morning following a big party. 8.FAVORITE SOUND? Elizabeth Fraser singing "Song To The Siren", someone saying "Thank You"...sincerely, the sound of THUNDER, water and wind. 9.WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? A broken heart, Post-Traumatic Stress, anxiety and depression. 10.WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? "####-it! I'm still in the same skin!" "Do I have to work today?" 11.FAVORITE COLOR? Black, smokey grey, white (I'm a "shady" kinda girl), blue (dark), bold/solid colours 12.HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? I don't answer the phone (thank gawd for call-display!) 13.FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? "Trinity"-She's my hero. Maybe, "Che"-(pronounced, Shay), boy or girl-doesn't matter. 14.WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? Making it through our childhoods. Support and independence...and ABOVE ALL, honesty and integrity. 15.FAVORITE FOODS? Sushi, Ichiban soup, Curry anything, "Oh Henry" ice cream, tomatoes and feta cheese and cheese (almost any kind). 16.CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate, no question. 17.DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Yes...oh #### yes! (in moderation, of course) 18.DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Does my girlfriend count? 19.STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? COOL, without a doubt. 20.WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? Tonka...hahahaha 21.IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE? There are so many....Oprah, Carrie-Anne Moss (Trinity-The Matrix), Maya Angelou, The Dali Lama.... ...***MYSELF, as a child***. 22.FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Heineken, flavored martinis (and there are hundreds). 23.WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Taurus, and I'll add that I am year of the Dragon. 24.DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Yes, who wouldn't? 25.IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE? A successful author....or, a successful, independent, assertive, aggressive, honest, respected, powerful female in any profession (preferably in computers). 26.IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR? I've dyed my hair every colour...nothing's better than simple highlights. 27.EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yes. I'll say no more. 28.IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Half empty 29.FAVORITE MOVIES? The Matrix-OF COURSE, The Colour Purple, American Beauty, Terms of Endearment (cried my freekin face off), Pay it Forward (cried my face off, again) and Star Wars (all of them). 30.DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? No, who does? 31.WHAT'S UNDER YOU BED? My hardwood floors 32.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 3 33.FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? I'd rather have a root-canal or stick needles in my eyes, unless there's money at stake! 34. FAVORITE MUSICAL ARTISTS? Cocteau Twins, Elizabeth Fraser, Olive, Submarine, Dido, Tori Amos (sometimes), Ani Difranco (sometimes)... ...It's a girl THANG' 35.FAVORITE TV SHOWS? Sex and the City, Survivor (did I say that outloud?), Investigative Reports, Bravo Latenight Foreign Movies (uncut) and Queer as folk (sometimes). 36.FAVORITE CITY? So far, Vancouver...gimme time... 37.NAME OF FIRST PET? I had seven cats and two dogs as my first pets...two names I remember are "Askit"-dog, and "Suzie" the big huge black, siamese cat. 38.FAVORITE SONG? "Song to the Siren"-Elizabeth Fraser, "Take my Hand"-Dido and "Smile"-Olive, "Space Dog"-Tori Amos and currently..."Blow me Away", as well as "Sunbeam" by Submarine. 39. FAVORITE ACTOR (male & female) Kevin Spacy (American Beauty), Anthony Hopkins, Carrie-Anne Moss (The Matrix)-just cause she's kinda cute, Shirley McClean (Terms of Endearment)...and the list goes on... Hope you learned a little about me. Thanks Mistral, Trinity (Edited by Trinity at 10:46 pm on June 18, 2001)