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About nowIunderstand

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  1. Here goes my first post. For me, negative and unsupportive reactions from friends and loved ones was an experience I was not prepared for. I feel silenced. My fear of being minimized and silenced is driving me crazy. My boyfriend appears to lately come around though. I has been seven months since I first got flashbacks of an assault which happened to me three years earlier. I had blocked out the memory of it. I have been very frustrated by his lack of initiative to educate himself on how to be supportive of me. He finally is reading books I gave him and seems to become more sensitive to my needs. I realize I still feel a lot of anger towards him, for what I perceived as his minimizing of my experience. hmm, I didn't mean to get distracted by talking about him right now, though. I wrote an article about my experience of being a sexual assault survivor. I finally feel it is "good enough" to put it out in the world. And, I'm experiencing dread at the thought of publishing it somewhere online, or mailing it out to the social circles of the perpetrator. I have emailed it to friends and acquintances. I had positive and not so positive remarks about it. I'm worried about chickening out. It was very helpful to me to read some books about secondary victimization: specifically "the second rape" and the "second assault" can't give names of authors right now, since I lent the books to my boyfriend to read at the moment.