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About star9

  • Birthday 09/07/1981

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  1. *anything that reminds me of him: scent of raspberry, mango body butter, the Dallas Cowboys, certain songs, pretty boys, scrapbook supplies (he sold that stuff), hotels (driving by them at night), wooden baseball bats, black Acura cars, saltwater fish tanks, sex *hot tubs *being in a bikini *wearing short shorts(or anything "sexy") *being intimate *blacklights *strobelights *being around my 16-yr-old sister (same age as i was when all the abuse started) *being held or cuddled in bed *unshaven pubic area(on men) My list could go on and on!!! Thanks ((bloogirl))for starting this!
  2. Hello everyone, i thank you for your comments...i don't feel so alone ~my fault because i let him in the house without first looking outside to see who it was ~my fault because i knew his friend was waiting in the car ~my fault because i had fooled around with him before ~my fault because i was always flirting with him ~my fault because i knew better than to get involved with an older guy--he was 21 i was 16 ~my fault because i knew that he knew i wasn't going to tell anyone--didn't tell anyone until 5 years later ~my fault because i didn't fight back ~my fault because i felt that i deserved the time i thought he wouldn't have done this if i wasn't so dumb ~not my fault because i said no, but i guess it wasn't firm enough ~not my fault because i couldn't read his mind ~not my fault because he was very manipulative ~not my fault because i got sucked into believing him when he said he couldn't help it because he was molested as a child (same guy) ~my fault because i married him even after all the abuse ~my fault because i had tried a. sex with him before, so maybe he thought he didn't have to ask before he did it ~my fault because i didn't make him pull out, i just froze and let him finish ~my fault because i was his outlet ~my fault because i had a pattern of letting him abuse me, and since i didn't change the pattern i deserved anything he did to me ~my fault because i didn't communicate in any way that i was hurting inside ~not my fault because again, i couldn't read his mind (different guy--2.5 yrs later) ~my fault because i was flirting with him ~my fault because i touched him first while we were in the hot tub ~my fault because i didn't lock the bathroom door when i was changing out of my swimsuit ~my fault because i froze ~my fault because apparently i need to learn a lesson ~my fault because i'm too nice ~my fault because i give off a vibe that says "i'm easy, i don't care about myself, i'll let you do anything to me and i won't tell" ~my fault because i was there, my friend was there, and i never told her ~my fault because i never told him how it made me feel ~not my fault because i couldn't read his mind ~not my fault because i didn't tell him to come in the bathroom with me **~~It's hard for me to figure out how these things weren't my fault. I think of all sorts of things i could have done differently. But the one thing that helps me feel better about myself is realizing that these men are sick~~**