Angels_Unaware

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About Angels_Unaware

  • Birthday 02/21/1986

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  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Location
    Northern Virginia
  1. Hi Jaded, I am so deeply touched by this blog...the fact that you've posted these things you haven't told anyone else is very humbling to read, and also so incredibly heartbreaking. You don't ever need to ask to be forgiven for who you are. These things that you have shared aren't the truth of who you are, they are simply the evidence of the pain you have endured for what seems like most of your life. These actions were based in fear, anger, confusion, and whatever else you might have been/are feeling, and that isn't the real and true you either. The real you is within you, whether you know it or not. It's under all the pain you've experienced and every horrific memory you have. Even though I don't know you, I'm sure that it surfaces on a daily basis...like every time you smile at someone, take care of yourself, connect with your friends or your boyfriend. As you keep on the path to healing, I know it will be seen more and more often. I can't answer your questions about the frequency of the incidences with your nieces and nephews. Without their accounts, all that is known is what you know and remember. There isn't any point in tormenting yourself over wondering if it happened more than those two times. What your boyfriend said about being a kid and having it happen more than once or twice isn't true. There are actually more children than you think who have been abused and then abuse other children. It's often a sign that the child has already endured some kind of abuse. And there isn't a set pattern as to how each child victim/abuser acts. The best suggestion I feel I can give to you is to trust yourself and your gut on what you think happened. Until there's proof otherwise, it's a waste of emotional energy that is much better spent taking care of yourself. It's very obvious that you feel really bad about what the scared, sad and confused 13 year old you did, and that you know it's wrong and wouldn't do it again. I'm wondering if you think you might need to forgive yourself...but of course that's easier said than done. Thank you again for being so willing to share with us. I hope you'll take from this what works for you. I would love to talk more with you if you would like, either via AIM or PM. I pray you have found some relief and peace by unburdening yourself here. Take care of yourself, you're worth it! Warmly, Angel