trishaz23

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About trishaz23

  • Birthday 03/23/1970

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  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Location
    Arizona
  1. The Beginning of the end

    So this is my beginning. This begins my healing process. Most days I hurt so bad I don't know what to do anymore. I think back to the rape and wonder how I managed to block it out for so long. Even still it is still so very blurry. I thought I knew him. Now I cannot even remember his name. The little bit of help I did get was very damaging. I saw a counselor at the time and she just said I didn't know how to say "No." Funny I thought stop, don't, please stop, and NO all meant No! I pretty much stopped talking about it after that. He left me so damaged and broken and the one thing I will never forget but a constant daily reminder of a STD so that I will never feel clean again. I will never have a partner whom I cannot feel anything but shame when I have to say yes I have " Herpies." As I heard a long time ago. Herpies party of one. Forever alone, and forgotten. Who could love me. It has been over 15 years since the attack. How could I keep it withing me for so long. There are other details I've left out, but for the most part I felt shame, and received shame. So I chose to quit talking about it till now. Maybe I will write more again. ~Trish~