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About LadyRose

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    Verge of a Miracle
  • Birthday 12/17/1983

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    Verge of a Miracle is an online community and resource center for survivors of sexual violence.
  1. Ug.... this is hard to post, but I feel like I should. My strangest triggers are probably latex gloves and dirty socks. I've developed an allergy to latex, and even smelling the gloves sends me into a panic. And dirty socks... even typing the words makes me want to be sick. *Furniture from the 70's *Being told to shut up *Being on my period *my wrists being touched in any way. Sometimes I can't even wear jewelry *Waking up to someone touching me, even if it's just a soft tap to wake me up *Certain smells.. when I'm in a large crowd, there will almost always be one man who has "that" smell. *The sounds of zippers *shudders* *Hunting knives *Also eating bananas.. I just can't. Another super weird one, Little Mermaid comforters (the last assault came from a "friend" of the family who had my EXACT same Little Mermaid comforter on his own bed.)
  2. I know this has been posted, but I just have to get it out. The most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me, was asking if I enjoyed it. <_< I've never wanted to be violent so badly in my life.
  3. THE worst thing someone has said to me came over email by a member of a message board. This person told me that "None of this would have happened if I hadn't wanted it to, I obviously brought it onto myself" and it is my fault that it still bothers me. He (yes, HE- what the HELL is a MAN doing giving ME advice in this area??? ) then gave me a (huge) list of things I needed to do if I truly wanted to get my life back in order, because I was going about things all wrong and I was going to end up dead if I didn't change. I wanted to email him back, "Yes, all four year olds want to be raped by their mother's boyfriends. I desire a life of misery and pain. Hey! Maybe this WILL lead me to death! Oh PLEASE oh PLEASE!!!" Why can't people just try to be understanding??
  4. Thank you for posting this, I think it might help.... The first time: It was really my fault because I must have done something to make him angry It was really my fault because no one would believe it wasn't It was really my fault because I never tried to convince anyone otherwise It was really my fault because I must have been bad It was really my fault because it cause my famliy to hate each other It wasn't my fault because I was only 4 It wasn't my fault because I couldn't fight him off It wasn't my fault because no 4 year old asks for that kind of attention It wasn't my fault because I was placed into his care It wasn't my fault because my mother trusted him with me It wasn't my fault.... *tears*
  5. 1. Were you silenced by someone? How? By my family who refused to believe that their 4 year old daughter had been raped by someone they were supposed to trust. 2. Have other, beside the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?) Yes, someone I considered a friend used his knowledge of what happened to mock me in front of others. 3. Did you "tell" people in a way other then words about your abuse? (anorexia, withdrawing etc) With my website and a few other hints I threw out there, that no one got. 4. "The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last" Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not? I agree that it deepens the doubts, but not necessarily the truth 5. How do you see yourself now? Growing slowly 6. Have you begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like? Very slowly, and I have still been very much ignored... 7. Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself? No