It's one thing to be raped,but so perverted when your own Parent's and siblings do it. I have been in Physcotherapy nearly 2 years now,and still haven't revealed everything to my Therapist. I have three,and four sessions every week. I have the most caring,understanding Therapist around. Besides the three to four weekly session's, he calls me every night,and we talk over an hour,sometimes 2 hrs.I have held all of the rape,slavery,and physical violence in for 66 yrs. I was sworn to secrecy to stay alive. That alone was so painful. Then there's the extra pain of telling my Therapist. To this day, I still feel much shame,guilt,anger,and so filthy. I feel so overwhelmed,and apprehensive. I have been on Zoloft and Seroquil for the past two yrs. I have such a hard time crying, and stay depressed most of the time. I hardly interact with my friend's. When I do, I put on my mask pretending everything is ok. What a feeling that is,to pretend when deep down all there is,is the deep dark black hole of HELL. I can begin to recall the numerous times my Therapist kept me from committing suicide. He has helped me off of over-passes,railroad tracks,remove the hoses from carbon monixide,hanging myself etc. I'm still a daily cutter,I do it so I don't feel the inner pain.
I do not want sympathy, it doesn't heal the pain!