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About neonlites4me

  • Birthday 03/26/1940

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    Hanging out with friend's, Bowling,cards, painting,shopping,and spending time with my Grand/Son
  1. It's one thing to be raped,but so perverted when your own Parent's and siblings do it. I have been in Physcotherapy nearly 2 years now,and still haven't revealed everything to my Therapist. I have three,and four sessions every week. I have the most caring,understanding Therapist around. Besides the three to four weekly session's, he calls me every night,and we talk over an hour,sometimes 2 hrs.I have held all of the rape,slavery,and physical violence in for 66 yrs. I was sworn to secrecy to stay alive. That alone was so painful. Then there's the extra pain of telling my Therapist. To this day, I still feel much shame,guilt,anger,and so filthy. I feel so overwhelmed,and apprehensive. I have been on Zoloft and Seroquil for the past two yrs. I have such a hard time crying, and stay depressed most of the time. I hardly interact with my friend's. When I do, I put on my mask pretending everything is ok. What a feeling that is,to pretend when deep down all there is,is the deep dark black hole of HELL. I can begin to recall the numerous times my Therapist kept me from committing suicide. He has helped me off of over-passes,railroad tracks,remove the hoses from carbon monixide,hanging myself etc. I'm still a daily cutter,I do it so I don't feel the inner pain. I do not want sympathy, it doesn't heal the pain!
  2. Severe abuse

    This is so painful to talk about. From the time I was 2 yrs. old untill I left home at 17, I was severly beaten nearly all day every day besides being sexually abused by both of my parent's. From the age of 8 untill age 17 I was sold as a prostitute. Then beaten by those that used me. I was bound, blindfolded, and gagged during those horrifying times. When I was finally returned home, I was beaten,burnt, and sexually abused more, also while being tied down like some animal waiting to be slaughtered. I was burnt,cut with a knife, then bleach pored on me, and put in hot water. I was forced to give each one blow jobs while they came in my mouth. I choked and threw up, was beaten, and choked for that as well. I'm going through such an emotional storm, and have made many suicide attempts. last night was no exception. I'm 67 yrs. old and in a battle. I haven't been able to cry, and have so many feelings that I cannot express. Thank you for listening. Still hurting. Neon