sagetab

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About sagetab

  • Birthday 12/09/1962

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Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Location
    Durban, South Africa
  • Interests
    sci-fi, story writing (just published my first sci-fi book and working on second), poetry, gardening, cooking, paganism, (I am a Pagan activist), human rights, animal rights, animal communication, crystals, herbs, incense... anything esoteric or alternate... <br />Helping the downtrodden. <br />Helping...... <br />
  1. I dont know where to post this on the board........................ So, now you know a bit about me and you know my story... now, as a Rape survivor shouldn't I notice the sign of sexual abuse in my children? So why didn't I? My daughter G. was born into a 1 parent home, her father ran away when I was 5 months pregnant. G. Now 23, was sexually abused at age 8 and I never noticed!!! Why not? My best friends son, 5 years older than her, played 'games' with her for a few months before she finally had the courage to tell me, and her school!!! He never penetrated, as the hospital tests showed, but he rubbed her with his fingers and penis and forced her to have oral sex with him. The Child Protection Unit was called in and the Welfare. Because this monster was lving in the same building as us, and threatening her, I had to put her in a place of safety. Now, I don;t know about other countries, but here in South Africa I had to go to court and declare myslef an ;unfit mother' to put her in a place of safety. (That law HAS changed now, thank heavens). I felt I had failed her, as it was, and then had to declare myself unfit!!! She was put into a place of safety until I could move house AND her school before she could be returned back to me... On 'Conditions'. OUR lives had been totally disrupted, we had lived in that flat for 6 years, this was the only school she had been to, ALL her friends were there.... BUT, WE had to move, WE had to uproot our lives while HE lived, as if nothing had happened, in his cosy home with his protective Mum, now my EX-best friend, (we had, literally, come to blows over this, nearly killing each other), and the case was thrown out of court due to 'lack of evidence' in the prelim, which I was not even informed of... One of the conditions or G's return was that we both attend T. G. went 2 or 3 times and then refused to go back. The T was 'play T' where the Tist would pick up a toy phone, asking G to do the same and then she would ask G, "What must I say?". G asked me why the T couldnt think for herself!!! She didn't like the T or the woman herself. My T went very well and I was released from therapy as 'well balanced' and 'psychologically okay' after several months. BUT Because G refused to go to therapy, and we moved several times over the next year, (I had met my current S/O during this time and he had moved in with us, which made G VERY happy as she had never had a father), the welfare took her away and put her in a childrens home. I fought hard to keep her, but lost, after a year long protracted court case. I Got her back when she was 15. I cannot understand how I never saw the signs. Only in hindsight!!! How could I have been so blind? How could I have failed her so miserably? My daughters abuse hurts me more than my own did and has affected me much more and more painfully... it is HER abuse which still bugs me. And the person who did this to her has been implicated in several sexual abuse and rape cases but, because his mum can afford Lawyers, (I couldn't), he manages to get away with it each time. I keep telling myself, Karma is a bitch and he WILL get his just desserts.... one day... But the comfort is slim........... I still cry over all of this, it still hurts... My poor baby, I failed her!!!
  2. My Rape History

    I DID put this up in the relevant place, but here it is again.... I am a rape survivor. I was raped by an older school boy at 11, he was 13 then. He followed me home from school and instinct made me hide. I ducked into some bushes and was bought up short at the sight of a pond with dragonflies of every colour imaginable flying around... HE came up behind me and gripped my arm, asked me if I wanted to see the haunted house as he knew the way to sneak in... His grip precluded a 'no' and he dragged me towards the house. On the way there was a ditch which he threw me into... I rolled down and under some barbed wire... I have a memory blank from this moment... the next thing I remember is him pulling out of me and horrible pain and blood. I took hours to walk the normal 5 minutes home because my legs were like jelly, literally, I kept falling down and crawling on the ground!!! My parents went to see the boys parents, but nothing was ever done about it... At 14 my dad asked me to fetch his wallet from his bedroom, my mum was in the shower, and when I got to the room I found he had followed me and had entered the room. He locked the door and pocketed the key. He then tossed me onto the bed and threatened to kill me AND mummy if I made a noise!!! He pulled out as he ejaculated and ejaculated on my stomach... to this day, the sight of sperm makes me vomit. He raped me continually until I was 16 when one day he grabbed my breast and I, without thinking, and in blind instinct, slapped him across the face and told him NEVER to touch me again. But the damage had been done. I had a nervous breakdown and had to leave school with a Standard 6 (grade8) education. Finally at 19 I was in Witbank, selling encyclopedias, when I get a message to phone home. When I did my brother broke the news to me that my mum had been killed by a drunk driver who rode up on the PAVEMENT.... My dads company arranged for plane tickets for me to get back home to Durban... but I was stuck for transport. 2 young men who said they would take me to the airport, but had no petrol... The Witbank SAP actually opened a petrol station and let the guys fill up . (this was in 1982, petrol rations were on). We got to the airport a few minutes late and the last plane to Dbn had left. The young men took me to Kempton Park Police station where a cop said I could use his barracks room for the night. He took me to his room and then said I must pay ihm in kind and was all over me. I managed to fight him off and then ANOTHER cop walks in, says it is HIS room and I must pay him... He was too big for me to fight off. THIS cop then psychologically and emotionally abused me... tormenting me, saying my mum had not died, that my ID was false and that he was going to send me to jail... And I was in total shock and traumatised over my mums death!!! On the way to the airport the old cop that was driving me reached out and put his hand on my leg and said. "give an old man a bit of pleasure"... I Just grabbed the steering wheel and pushed it over, almost killing us both and screamd "Just get me to the f*ing airport!". He was so stunned he never said another word, just drove me in silence!!! for a LONG while I thought I had a sign on my forehead saying RAPE ME!!! I got through it, survived and have since had 4 children. I am now 45 and have fully recovered and lead a healthy sex life... (except for the sight of sperm still making me vomit)... there IS life after Rape... it just takes a LONG time... a very long time...
  3. This is me

    MM Hi there, my name is Sharon, magical name Zephyr, I am in Durban, South Africa. I am a VERY Eclectic Witch, Not of any set path. I am interested in and practice, Astrology, numerology, tarot, runes, crystology, chakras, colour magic, candle magic, power animals, animal communication, divination of any form etc,etc... I have been "practising" for about 10 years or so now. I grow, dry, grind and bottle my own herbs, as much as I can get hold of anyhow, make my own candles and am now attempting to make my own oils… I am an avid learner and willing to learn as much about EVERYTHING as I possibly can, must be the Sagittarian in me lol. I am also a VERY willing teacher and have opened up a teaching and fellowship coven called Gentle Breeze Eclectic Coven. I also have a uniquely Southern Hemisphere based Witchy School . I am the mother of 9 wonderful children, 4 2-legged and 5 4-legged, who are my life! Gizelle is 22, Zachary is 10, Ariel is 9, little SinJin (Saint John) is 7, Oscar, Lab/Pitbull, and Rosie, Alsatian/Husky and Oscar and Rosies children, Peter Pan, Tinkerbell and Wendy. (Yes, my younger children named them…  ) Not married, never have been, just “living in sin” – lol. Other interests are Science Fiction, Fantasy, Cooking, Gardening, the writing of poems, songs and books (the latter being sci-fi). Just published my first book… a collection of Sci-Fi short stories. My MAIN hobby is LEARNING…. Lol. I have always said that if I could afford it I would LIVE at the university and collect degrees… Must be the Sagi in me, although I have since learnt I am the 13th sign Ophiuchus---- lol. BB Zephyr