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About surivivingtdastorm09

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  • Birthday 02/04/1991

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    i am doing really horrible. about a week ago my nightmares started up again. i don't understand why... I just don't want to deal with them again. they had been gone for about a month. Also someone charged 30 dollars to my uncles house phone account. they used my email address and showing my bday as being 18, they are blaming me for the charges but i didn't do it. Who is doing this??? it makes me angry... i have been holding in my anger because i don't have a therapist, and i have done it again. i am so angry at myself for letting it get that far again. I feel trapped again and i don't know how to get out of it. god it is so scary. i am turning 17 on the fourth of feb. and that scares me even more. what do i do??? how do i stop myself from spiraling downward??? i don't want this to happen again for the fourth time.
  2. Anniversary coming up can someone help

    my one year annversary is coming up soon and i don't know how to deal with it. I am scared and i don't want to do anything that is going to hurt me, can anyone help me??? I'm scared and overwhelmed survivingdastorm09
  3. Trapped

    i don't know what is wrong with me. I have been free of SI for about six months and now i want to injure myself again. it is horrible. I know that if i do it i will have scars but that comment is getting weaker and weaker as the pressure pushes on. I feel so TRAPPED.
  4. thanks, for the reply, i really apreciate it. Now i have to wait two weeks to get the results back, and i am not looking forward to it, this issue has knocked me back into depression and it is hard, because i had no choice on whether or not he did anything... i am so scared it is unbelievable. Thanks for the hug i really need one right now that's for sure. Like my crisis worker said, it's better to know you have it and get it treated then let it damage me, and affect my past.
  5. I am really scared

    After school today i go and get tested for STDs/STIs and i am scared, knowing one of the guys and his life style i am sure that i contracted something from him or his "friend". I am just really scared to find out that i have something that is uncurable. can anyone help me, i am a frightened person.
  6. My Fear

    My biggest fear is that i will realapse into all of the bad things that i have stopped in the last 11 months since it has happened. My life is getting so overwhelming and hard that i just want to cut again and just want to relieve myself from all of this shit that i am going through and thinking lately, My flashbacks and nightmares and when i am tired i get depressed because i know why i am depressed. It gets me so mad. I want to feel the pain. so i don't have to feel the hurt i feel inside from these men. It is so depressing having to go through this everyday.
  7. Nightmares and Flashbacks

    It sucks, i can't sleep... when i finally get to sleep i will have a nightmare and then wake up and won't be able get to sleep again and then during the day i can sleep. The nightmare are vivid, and seem that they are real. Some nights when i wake up, i feel like i can hear someone walking down the hallway. During the day i can be talking with my friends, and the next minute i will be pulling back and become anti-social. It is horrible, and i am so angry at them scum bags that if he doesn't get fuckin prison time i don't know what i will do. I think they deserve what i am going through and prison will hopefully show them what they deserve, esspecially when the other prisoners find out that i was a minor at the time.
  8. Appointment On Monday

    Next Monday I have a STD/STI appointment to check for them and i am scared because knowing one of the guys and some of his friends and and almost positive that i am going to test positive for atleast one of them. I am not so worried about the treatable one but the nontreatable ones like HIV or AIDS because i want to have kids and want to live a healthly life. Can anyone help me out???
  9. The Trust Is Gone... It Hurts

    All of my trust is gone, for everyone. Even for the people that I have trusted my whole life and they have never done anything to break it, since then their trust level for me has gone down. For the people that i just met there level isn't even at 0 it is in the negative and it is based on gender, and i don't even want to be that way but ever since then it seems like i can't even control it. It's like it is automatic, and it hurts not only me. I am scared of guys and can't be alone with them. My life routine is all screwed up i ahve to do certain things, and not do certain things, MY LIFE SUCKS, sometimes so bad i want to end it but i know that it isn't worth it.
  10. Why?

    Why can't I feel the answer people are giving me?? I know that it isn't my fault, but i don't feel it inside, and I long, cry and want for it. I continuously tell myself your stupid for not seeing the red flags and going to their house that night (there was two guys, one was a friend i had know for awhile). I beat myself up and i don't want to. Does anyone else feel this way.