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Posted by raw&burnt , 24 May 2006 · 38 views

I was on the bus, coming home from singing karaoke with friends. I left before 10pm eventhough I arrived just after 8pm. I didn't feel like drinking or having any other intoxicants. Even when the karaoke portion of the night started, the whole night was lame. I left because that was the best it would get. I wasn't anticipating on getting laid anyway and women rarely hit on me. Just being there got me depressed. I did a few songs and was doing good until there was one that was in the wrong key and I ditched that. The next song the dj kept playing around with the controls and I lost interest in doing anymore songs. I was so glad I didn't bring my purse, for I could run to the bus and not feel bogged down. I felt like I wanted to cry or burst out of my skin in some way. I was trying to think of other things, like an audition I'm doing in a week and a half. A monologue from one of my favourite plays which seemed fitting, but then who would I practice it with? Not the man I thought I was in love with: I'm too disappointed in him, and my other male friend I want to talk too is too biased in any man's favour that I'll just feel like it's my fault for being a woman in the end. "Aw, he's a good guy, that's just the way guys are." is his argument, every time! I thought of phoning him but that scenario went through my head and I got pissed at him. I'm sick of men defending other men's bad behaviour. I'm sick of belly-aching about the same thing and feeling stuck. I need a change!

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