Jump to content






Photo

Porn

Posted by raw&burnt , 27 February 2006 · 45 views


I've been checking out way too much porn lately. I've bought the Swim Suit Edition of Sports Illustrated just to peer at the ladies, but it's too soft-core for me. Since having a man, I worried about my sexuality. Of course I still ponder it, but I'm not interested in naked men. Let's just say, the word Camel Toe has been floating around my head. I feel gross sometimes, like I'm a pig. I don't go around town drooling over women and objectifying them either. I like men from the neck up and women from the neck down, when I fantasize about either. I don't want to feel shameful about my desires, but I do. I can't help but think that if I were a guy, I could parade my interest in naked women easier than if I were a straight woman doing the same. It's almost anti-feminist to being interested in porn, yet I'm fixated on it. I'm so frustrated sexually and want a healthy sexual outlet, but sex with the guy only tampers down my lesbian side, provoking it to want to burst forth from me. I don't know if I only want sex or a relationship. Why can't I have both? A sexual partner, that one sexual partner. I don't want a series of partners and I don't want a relationship where the sex withers away. How come both can't happen? I went out and bought a book called, The Guide to Lesbian Sex, which I really needed. Before I bought it, I was broke and down to about five bucks and thought only of that book come payday. When the day finally came, I finished work and went straight to the bookstore where I saw it and claimed it as my own, casually purchasing it over the counter, wondering what the saleswoman was thinking of me at that moment. Sigh! I hate being horny and I hate wanting sex. Sex is like crumbs I'm scraping for when I can get them. I'm at a point where it doesn't matter who I have sex with, since the end result is the same. I don't want to get my hopes up because of too many past disappointments, then to have violation ruin it. I'll never shake of the rape or the molestations from my childhood. I feel anger and hatred for those bastards. It's getting in the way of my sexual fulfillment. I still haven't completed my Sexual Survivor entries I started this thing out with.



Recent Entries

July 2016

S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
2425 26 27282930
31      

My Favourite Links!

  • http://750words.com/
  • http://ingriddjohnsonmusic.com/main/
  • http://www.blogofdeath.com
  • http://www.blogofdeath.com
  • http://www.afterellen.com
  • http://www.meganslaw.ca.gov/
  • http://www.julieposey.com/index.htm
  • http://speak-out.diaryland.com
  • http://www.43things.com
  • http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

Recent Comments

0 user(s) viewing

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.