Frustrated & Fearful
It didn't even take too much strength to say no to him, eventhough he's on my mind. I don't know who I want to have sex with, which gender I want or what, but fear overtook me. I know that things always get weird after you have sex with someone. I want to break down the walls in me, have sex with whomever turns me on without making stupid choices and be baggage-free. He's another frustrated actor and we've been hanging around each other lately. I've even pictured my future with him, which is rare for me. I told myself I wouldn't worry about "us", but it's building up in me. I'm frustrated and fearful, two combinations that clash violently. To have him or not, both will bring regret.
I haven't found a woman who turns me on lately. Eitherway, I'd be too scared to bring anyone home to my family. I've never in my entire life brought home anyone I've ever been with. There's so many things I'm doubtful and unsure about.