They Always Look So Normal
We try to portray sexual perpetrators like they're inhuman, when the sickening thing is that they look ordinary.
The thing that bothered me, one of many, was how the people I trusted could only say that he was a decent person. Well, he's not going to look like a Martian or some other worldly creature. Of course he's a regular human being. That's how we don't see them coming! We'd like to think that if they looked like r*pists that it would be easier to avoid them. No matter what we do to protect ourselves, the perps will seek us out and attack. Even if we were alert 24/7, there'd be a moment where you'd relax and that moment would be the one you're kicking yourself over because you weren't careful. It doesn't matter how strong your are as a person, it doesn't matter if you've taken self-defense classes, it doesn't matter period! Someone out there, right now, is looking for someone to violate while we go about our lives until they find us.
I'm so tired but I can't sleep yet.
I think sexual fantasizes try to erase the harm that asshole and the ones from my childhood crapped on me. It's a way of replacing their annihilator's touch by imagining someone's healing touch.
I'm too tired to write anymore.
See you in a few months or something.