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Hate Me

Posted by raw&burnt , 14 July 2008 · 42 views

I always feel like there's something about me to dislike, like I'm a nerd, or stupid, or vain, or just the biggest loser. Most of the time, I blame the trauma of the rape, but other times, I blame my old self. The self-loathing follows me everyday, and I feel like everyone's opinion, especially negative, is correct. I disbelieve their flattery, thinking that they're patronizing me. I even think I'm hateful towards men, straights, whites, every other race, other black people, other lesbians, other bisexuals, transsexuals: I'm horrible! I have these thoughts that I'm the most flawed person I know, that I'm wrong about everything and that everyone else is right.

I hate myself.

I don't get what others who've had sex with me see. I don't get why anyone would find me attractive.

I'm depressing myself. Feels punishing.

Why do I do this to myself?

Even this entry makes me hate myself.

I wanna barf.

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