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Hate Me

Posted by raw&burnt , 14 July 2008 · 42 views


I always feel like there's something about me to dislike, like I'm a nerd, or stupid, or vain, or just the biggest loser. Most of the time, I blame the trauma of the rape, but other times, I blame my old self. The self-loathing follows me everyday, and I feel like everyone's opinion, especially negative, is correct. I disbelieve their flattery, thinking that they're patronizing me. I even think I'm hateful towards men, straights, whites, every other race, other black people, other lesbians, other bisexuals, transsexuals: I'm horrible! I have these thoughts that I'm the most flawed person I know, that I'm wrong about everything and that everyone else is right.

I hate myself.

I don't get what others who've had sex with me see. I don't get why anyone would find me attractive.

I'm depressing myself. Feels punishing.

Why do I do this to myself?

Even this entry makes me hate myself.

I wanna barf.




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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.