Entry No.61.Take a sexual self-survey. What have you experienced sexually up to now? What did you like? What did you not like? What do you know about your sexuality? What would you like to learn?
I've definitely experienced sex with women, that I'm usually on top: I love it all! When I'm on the bottom, they're too passive. I wouldn't know how I'd react with an aggressive woman, but sometimes the idea excites and scares me. I've never had sex with another black person. Somewhat weird, maybe. I love kissing. I've paid for sex, but she was so clean and had these rules about showering first, which was very good. Definitely practiced safe sex, which was wonderful and so new. I've had safe sex with most guys, but I guess the rest of the times the unsafe was dangerous, in the last chapter of safety and comfort. If it wasn't safe, there was discomfort I didn't realized until I paid for it. I was so much more relaxed about catching anything because of so much rubber used. I loved the communication used and she was a nice person. The only thing I didn't like was that there was no kissing allowed, which is understandable. I can't imagine being with her if she kissed all her clients. I'd love to use a strap-on someday, used on someone rather that having one used on me, which would come later. Oral sex: I could do a woman for days! Men, I could do without. Compared to a hairy man and a hairy woman, a woman's body hair is downy. I'd rather give than receive. I just get frustrated that they aren't doing it right, even when I try to tell them how. With one guy, he introduced rimming! We went in the shower, so it wasn't too scary. I mean, you know what comes out of there, so putting your tongue on someone's anus is risky, but having it done was fantastic! I've had casual sex, mostly. I have yet to be in a long-term relationship. I have no faith in attracting someone who'd seriously be with me for longer than 3 months, especially while I live under my parent's roof. I want to live alone then hook up or move in with someone. Better to live alone first, for me. I have to be touched all over, unless I'm all warmed up, then I'm good ta go! Fisting: I've never been fisted, but I fisted this one girl and the orgasm that shot through my arm shocked and delighted me! I had no idea it would be such a weird physical transference of orgasm. I didn't understand it from the fister's point of view, but now I do! Whoa! I'd do it in a heartbeat! I find that the reason I want shows like "Sex & The City", "Queer As Folk", "The L Word" is to hear groups of adults talk openly about sex. I have nobody to do that with! Nevermind that I'm not doing it, but I'm not talking about it with anyone! I'm stopped up, badly! Nevermind the sex scenes or how hot the people look, it's the conversations they each have to process their sex lives. All I can think about is how judgemental my best friend was, how other people were about my incident and how impossible it is to talk to my mom about this. I don't talk about it, and I'm fearful of who I talk to about it. There was a girl at work who was sexually frustrated and talked openly about sex, meanwhile I'm thinking selfishly how I can't talk about mine for fear of being chastised and alienated. How do I bring up my lesbianism and my violated past? Where the hell can I talk about this?