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Necessary Support.

Posted by , 13 April 2005 · 7 views


Entry No.45. What do you need to support your sexual healing? What actions can you take to build this network of support? Think big. Go beyond the bare minimum requirements for survival. Imagine having all the support you possibly could use. What would that be?I would love to have some therapy. If I had a million dollars, I could afford that, but since that isn't the case, I'll have to find it at a free clinic. I would also love to have regular massage therapy, so I could have a healing touch upon me first before evolving to the sexual. Yeah, I could do with only massage therapy for a while. Maybe I'd get frustrated and want something sexual. I'd rather have a woman do it, but I think I'd want a man, once, just to get over having men touch me without it being sexual. A trustworthy male masseuse to reassure me that male touch isn't invasive. I think I found this idea that you could call up a college of massage therapy and have it done for free, since they need the practice! I'll have to check the yellow pages. What I'd also love is to have non-judgemental supporters, those who'd listen just so I could feel listened to and not be interrupted by idiots telling me what I should've done, or people who don't know what to do, throwing in their 2 cents like I were a wishing well. I can imagine someone sitting there, listening to me, supporting the notion that my side of the story actually happened, that I'm not overblowing things and being dramatic, that I'm telling the truth, that I have a lot of hot buttons that get recklessly pushed. So hard to think of positive ideas to have, yet the negative flows out so easily. I want to be mentally healed also by having reaffirming thoughts re-enforced into my daily thinking so I don't drive myself crazy every single morning that I awake. Taking all the horrible things that were said, switching them into something that should've been said so I can feel better and act as a balm on my injured mentality. I could write a separate page of affirmative words, phrases and quotes, either here or in a separate paper diary. To have all the support in the world would be someone standing up for me, almost like a body guard but for my emotions. An emotional guard or a sexual guard. A body guard that does all of the above. I suppose I'd have to do without one after awhile, eh? My emotional crutch I'd eventually kick to the side.



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